btw, when a man says he's "not getting any", he won't. Just an fyi okay, but that's a remark that will get you nowhere fast.
Yes, she's said that too. But surely you must know that's not the only thing I say in 15 years!
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"Dragging her" to sex t's...is just an example of wording that freaks me out.
Yeah, that was a real catch-22. She just did not want to go, ever. No matter how positively I put it. She finally went, reluctantly in each case.
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I appreciate that you are inexperienced sexually but it does not seem to really hit you that sex for her, with you wasn't good. she tried often at first but having bad unrewarding sex does lower one's libido.
You might be right. But even in retrospect, how could I have made it better when she refused all sexual touching aside from straight missionary intercourse? And I could certainly perform that as well and as long as she wanted. I assumed her reluctance to be sexually touched otherwise was just embarrassment due to inexperience. Later she tied it to messages from her youth. And later still, she tied it to brief periods of sexual abuse, which was news to me.
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Maybe she said she hasn't had an orgasm or can't, so that you won't fruitlessly pressure her to have one.
I didn't pressure her at all for many years, not even once, because I believed all those books which said that women become more comfortable with their sexuality as they age. I certainly had more than my fair share of good orgasms (based on stats in all those expert books), so I was happy. But I didn't realize at the time how this would establish a long-term pattern which might have contributed to her loss of libido -- her seeing how often and how much I enjoyed it, and she obviously getting less out of it.
It's a fine balance. If you try too hard to please a woman, it's a turn off because you're putting pressure on her. If you don't try, the woman finds you a poor lover. Even in retrospect, I don't see that I did anything clearly wrong in my case, which came out in therapy. There's really no getting around the fact that to a certain degree, a woman needs to develop her own sexuality and know how her body reaches orgasm, for her to fully enjoy sex. This business that a woman is just a naive virgin and never had an orgasm, and a man comes along with lots of knowlege and experience in the art of love, and opens her up to the pleasures of love...well, that's a bit unrealistic, I'm sure you'll agree.
In retrospect, I think she viewed me as someone who might be able to carry her away from her repressed past and sexual abuse. And it seemed to work at first, and then the issues kind of came back with a vengance.
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have YOU sought out sex counselling from a sex t? Yes just you...how could that hurt?
Yes, for both of us, and for just me too.
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without your w there you won't have to fear any embarrassment and you can ask them all the frank questions you want...
Embarrassment is not an issue for me on sexual matters. Which my wife admired about me when we first met. And later hated! It's not the first time I've heard how a spouse learns to hate the very quality they first admired in their partner. Not sure what the theory is behind that.
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Or lower your libido.
Not a chance. I've learned to live with it and I love it. I think of frustration as the price you sometimes have to pay for the gift of a high libido. And I have come to think of it as a gift when I hear how many people are struggling to increase it.
