Porn and women from the internet sex sites HELP!!

[LisaLost]

I am realy thankful for your open and forward questions. See these are what I need , these are things I don't see or won't see for myself.

I regret not fully following through with his self -admitted issues about other women and how when things would get tough with us with the kids and his job he would just run to the nearest green grass. He is the type that always has to hve his ego stroked and after so many years its hard to do that every day. I will admit that we had a decent sex life until for some reason these movies had to become part of foreplay, now I don't mind it sometimes but EVERY TIME! it makes me feel like I can't turn my husband on with out him making a fantasy involving the people on tv. I just wantthat connection and closemess that actually making love brings not just having sex in competition with the porn folks. I am no prude by any means but I am a woman and would like some tenderness sometimes

While he was gone he realized the grass wasn't greener and the damage that was being done to not only our children but to himself as he wasnt happy being away from his family. He would come home and things would be great then a strssor would push him out the door to anouther woman that gave him the attention and no stress lifestyle he wanted plus he said he could do things sexually with them that he wouldn't even dream of disrespectingme with lol hahaha right? Finally after he had saw that I had really moved on and was living life happily without him he decided he wanted back home for good and things have been good since then bc he knows that it [censored] without us. his words not mine.

I just am very hurt that after we had come so far in repairing our marriage that he goes looking for swinger sites and other women to send him pics and correspond to online it truly hurts.I am still hurt and a littl angry about the affairs but I was standing for my marriage and I think I deserve better than for him to continue with behavior that is harmful to our family it is disrespectful dont you think? Heknows how bad that his A's hurt me.

I feel guilty in that if I would have just ended things 6 years ago we would not have 2 more children in this mess and things might have worked out better with us being d'd. Now here it is again happening He doesn not want our marriage over . He doesn t see what he did is wrong but it is hurtful because I have basically let 3 affairs slide so he thinks he can do whatever he wants and I will just sit here like the good little wife and take it.

I hope I am making some sort of sense. I cant even bring myself to fully lovehim anymore bc who knows when he might come home again and annouce he is leaving for the title clerk at work as he did the first time.

thanks for your time and advice
I need all the help I can get