Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you all for the birthday wishes and support!

Overall - My Birthday went well

Saturday - I was picked up and driven to paintball. I was completely taken care of. We played at multiple courses. I was shot first in my pinkie, followed by a bunch in my face (Thankfully I wore a mask). Towards the end, we were all on the same team.. labeled "Val's bada$$es". It was awesome!

I'm definitely consulting you for my next birthday...dang girl...


From there we went to lunch at a small little diner. I remember looking at the table and thinking "all these friends have been with me through this sh!t! I couldn't have asked for a better group of people"

Later I threw a party. About 25 people came. A g/f came over to do my hair and make-up. I danced my a$$ off. It was great.

WHAT A HEALTHY HAPPY THING TO DO!!! Yay you!

Missed my w very little that day.

Lots of Love followed at church on Sunday.. and a hang over. Posted my pics on FB, 5 minutes later… my w unmarried us. Still kept me on as a friend though. Guess god answered that prayer.. at least for now.

um, well, whatever...I mean I guess there's a great reply to that act of hers - but it escapes me at the moment...

Yesterday was probably one of the most stressful days at set however I was joyous and very upbeat. I mentioned how I cried in the morning, but I prayed hard that God remind me of the love in my life and he provided. None stop love from the crew, followed by tons of emails and post. I was swamped with it. I missed my w.. but even she too wished me happy b-day. Got off that emotional rollercoaster pretty fast.

Went out or beers with my bestie after work and we talked about the year. What was amazing was how much positivity came out of my mouth. I'm getting a divorce. I lost my best friend and the woman that I can honestly say, loved more than anyone. I should have said that this year sucked…

But instead.. I am building deeper relationship with friends. Work has improved tremendously.

My r with my w might be over, but I spent 6 months putting in every effort to save my m. Really trying to understand her perspective, fears, wants.. and put mine aside. To give love with out expectations (I know I still struggle with them). To work on stuff that bothered her (needy, controlling, negative). I lost the battle, but I can say that I didn't lose the war. I don't regret a thing.


I have grown so much in the past year. I feel more positive and more loving. My anger still comes up, but it doesn't consume me. I am happier. I look forward to pushing my growth further.

My bestie's response… "Yeah.. I definitely see that in you now. You've really changed in the past year."

so much in this to respond to I chose instead to just highlight some b/c YOU GET IT...and I love that about you. What a frickin' fast learner you are when the chips are down...



Came home to a card from MIL. She wished me the best and said thanked me for taking care of her daughter while we were together. She told me to remember the good times w and I shared, and not get stuck in the bad stuff. It was signed from her and "Gram X". I cried. I loved w's gram. She treated me like a granddaughter.

I'm thinking about writing MIL a response back. First to say thanks, and then to say what's on my mind. Her and w have a crappy relationship.. I know they both want one, but are stuck in so much fear to move forward. I know it's not my place, but now that my own mother is sick and my limited time with her is becoming more apparent, I want to say something about not allowing fear to paralyze them. I will think on it .. maybe post here about it.


Do post here about it in ase your w could be offended/pressured freaked or whatever... IF that matters to you.

Your insight about whats really important NOW when time with your own mom is limited --is something to share with mil for sure.

It means you have Perspective, and gives the context of your contact.

Like you have NO expectations of w or a reaction, for example BUT you know life is short.

Spent the rest of the night thanking the 80 people that wished me happy birthday on FB That took a little bit of time but if they took the time to write "HB".. I could take the time to write "thx". Plus alot of the posts were super loving. Just another reminder of how much Love my birthday was full of.


Beautiful...

Responded to w as well. "Thanks for the email. I appreciate you thinking of me today!"

And that my friends was my 1st birthday w/o my w in a long time. Fully of sadness and joy, disappointment and love, expectations - both good and bad.

P.S. Aeo, JS, and Tele.. been really thinking about what you said. I can't seem to post anything about it as I am on my own emotional rollercoaster right now. Trying to figure out the truth, my wants, my boundaries. Thank you for posing the hard questions… it just means I have to look hard for the answers.

You have done a lot of deep brave work. That's why your results are apparent and profound.

Keep it up! Well done.

ps Happy belated Bday...