Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[25yearsmlc]

ssm

I want you to know I HAVE given more thought to your questions earlier, and still am.

Here's one possible recap and let me know if I'm getting this wrong.

Did you marry your w with the belief, however founded, that she liked sex?

Then later on, did you ever feel you had been misled? OR maybe even as if a "bait and switched" had occurred?

What specifically, did YOU tell HER about YOUR needs?

FWIW, My h's brother married a woman who SEEMED to enjoy sex when they dated. She surely Never complained and she had many O's, or so she said/yelled/etc.

Turns out she wanted a baby and he fit the bill as good father material. She said she did not enjoy sex for unitive purposes, just procreative (or words to that effect). This shocked and hurt bil.

She got pregnant right after marrying and then shared this with bil AND then cut him off of sex, until if and when they were to have another child. (They had a baby girl they both adored.)

BIL loved his d, but maritally, he felt "defrauded" and he planned to leave. He told her the defrauded part when they went to mc, which she only agreed to attend b/c he was leaving.

She admitted that in fact she COULD have an orgasm under "certain conditions" but had faked the O's with him.

To his credit, he went out that night to a few stores and bought every gadget available. They helped.

That improved things for them, along with a lot of marital counselling AND sex therapy, with bil attending about every 4th session,

and then they went to some "sexy life marriage" retreat. They now have 4 kids. It's not perfect, but it has lasted. There wasn't an abuse issue in her past, but a lot of neurotic controlling things.

I thought of you when I recalled his using the term "Defrauded" and it almost sounded like what you felt when you discovered she did not like sex or no longer did...or would not learn to.

Another thing he said that reminded me of you or tea, was that

her "reluctant concessions" for weekly sex made HIM feel like he was raping her and that wasn't appealing to HIM.

He had a healthy sexual self image that included him being a good lover who satisfied his women, and in his past dating life that appeared true. (I happen to know it was true b/c of the girls he dated whom I knew. They LOVED him)

It took a lot of work on their r to get his w to see how important it was to him to be desired as a man and to feel good as a lover.

BIL's wife asked my opinion and I told her I felt he was being very reasonable and more than that.

Maybe some men would be okay with twice a week 5 min sex just to satisfy themselves and not even care about their partners....but BIL wanted to "make love", not just have sex. Her satisfaction mattered a lot to him.

She pressed me for more thoughts and it was awkward. I asked her if it was HIM or just sex in general and she said mostly sex (her issue with "him" was that he "wanted it so much", but she conceded that his technique was "very nice, actually" like she was surprised...)

I finally told her I feared she would lose him, b/c I had not heard of any happy couples not having sex, by unilateral choice.

Said I felt she was very unfair to refuse to work on or see a professional about important "issues" that she had hidden from him.

But she woke up. They DID the work and they have managed to have a family and they seem affectionate in public. Though the sex issue was a constant ordeal for 3 or 4 years or so, I'm told it's "much better in the bedroom" now.

BIL told her that he'd leave her after the baby was born if it didn't get better within a year.
I think youngatheart gave his wife a "loving" ultimatum of sorts too,

and if I recall correctly in his case it has changed their m dramatically for the better.

It was absolutely sex issues that almost ended their m. But they solved it. So I've seen it happen.

What have you got to lose by telling her how important this is for you?

When you say you've "tried everthing", can you list a few specifically?