AC...I do want to see her, but I don't. I do, as I miss her greatly. And I don't because whilst I know it could be light, its been so long since we've seen each other (early Aug) that I know it will stir up all sort of emotions, and given what happened a few days ago I'm sure she will talk R and reinforce her position.
My goal: I want my W back and the life we had, but an improved version. I don't know what will bring me closer to my goal now - I feel it's probably too late, given her words and position.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I hear you - I haven't seen my WAW since Aug 13th. She has tried to see me this past weekend, and I have done my best to be busy. This is for my sanity and to make sure that when I do see her, it's on my terms and I'm in a good place.
What have you done in that time to get ahold of your emotions, so that they don't get ahold of you?
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I'm sure she will talk R and reinforce her position.
If you don't want to have R talk, you don't have to.
A good way to avoid having someone reinforce their position is to remove the resistance. If she brings it up, just listen. Don't argue and don't plead 'why?'
If she starts calling you out on
It's like someone pushing on a wall. As long as the wall keeps standing, they can keep pushing against it.
If the wall tips over and they keep pushing -- get the idea?
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My goal: I want my W back and the life we had, but an improved version.
If your only goal is to get your W back, what is going to be different about your M?
There is always something to change or an opportunity to grow.
Let's say it is too late, then what? What does Cam do with the rest of his hopefully long life?
Why not do some of that right now?
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
I've just had this strange feeling come over me since sending that text - I think I'm done. I give up. I'm sick of this, sick of living in false hope, sick of what she's done to me. I don't want to see her, I don't even know if I want to see her ever again - it's very weird. I've been obsessing over this and her since February and more so since April when she ended it. I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend and believe in something that is never going to happen - I can't stop the inevitable. I feel sick in the stomach knowing this and now accepting it. I'm going to call my lawyer this afternoon and get her to start the process and fight for what I'm entitled to.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
While D process is certainly your call. I would wait. Your feelings now are exactly that, don't be surprised if they shift in a week or a couple days. Stay dark. Your W wanting to meet you could be about anything, it could be something you want to hear or don't want to hear.
They have this way of pulling us back in when they start to feel we are preparing to move on. Keep detatching.
Me:29 WW:26 No kids 2 dogs T: 11 M: 2 D-day 1: 08/2010 D-day 2: 05/2011 1 POSOM Separated: 06/2011 WW ILY commits to M 9/18 Files D 9/19 ILY Still 9/21 WW are fun
Cam - Take things slow. I wouldn't rush to the attorney just yet. Your feelings are going to sway up and down for a while until you finally dial into what you want and what is best for you.
It takes guts to not see her now because you think you might get hurt. I am proud you made a tough decision to protect YOU and do what YOU need for now.
I'd just hang tight, GAL, and take care of yourself, and see what happens.
Even though you don't think so, you just took the first step of YOU being in control of this now. Kudos to you for that.
Also, don't be ashamed of the medication. Sometimes we need a little help. This is probably the worst thing you will face in your life... divorce is worse than death in some ways. If it can help level out your anxieties and allow you to function, then you can make better decisions for CAM.
Keep on keeping on!
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
My w texted me last night and asked if we can catch up today. I'm considering doing it now. I feel like I can't keep putting this off forever and may as well see what she wants and try my best to be upbeat and positive. Will be hard and I don't know if I can be, but will see how I go. My DB coach keeps saying I need to have an interaction with her to show her my differences. I have some new clothes to wear and will put on her favorite cologne. Spoke to my lawyer yesterday and she said the same thing......don't rush this, given I don't want a d anyway.
Another complication or annoyance now is this girl I went on a date with keeps pursuing me. Nothing happened, and I don't want it to, but she is a nice girl that I have known for years but she just won't take a hint. She keeps saying I need to move on from my w....I keep saying I'm not ready and let me be, but she keeps hanging around........aaaarrgghhh.....women!
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
AC I dont know what to do, to see her or not. I was reading 25s post to mts and it sounds similar to me, apart from the OM, but in that he wants to contact her too. She says not too. I honestly don't know what the right move is. I think I can see her without talking R, but who knows. I don't want to hear anything from her about our M, as it won't be good. But I feel like because my DB coach said I should interact with her to show her my changes then I need to. Who knows!????!!
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
