Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[Queen_of_Swords]

I understand what you're going through. I still struggle with the same things myself.

The few things I've learned:
Make an offer. Give him the opportunity to reject it and choose his own way. Instead of giving him pain meds offer them or let him get his own.

Utter no directives, or decrees. I.E. I do it this way.
Instead you can offer your opinion if it's asked of you. Or you can ask, "Would you like my perspective on that?"

Don't take over, let him figure it out. If he asks for advice then you may give it as YOUR opinion only and say it might be a good idea to seek out another's opinion as well.

Being a doormat = if YOUR behavior in someway makes you feel diminished then you're a doormat. I.E. Doing something you dislike because of someone else's expectations - going along to get along with you in the end feeling badly or used.

For now ditch the comments about you caring about him, he can't care back right now ( and he probably feels badly about that, but not badly enough to change things)

I respectfully suggest a look around to see the difference between caregiving and caretaking behaviors. You may also want to take a look at what co-dependant behavior looks like for a clearer understanding of the dynamic. Both can be found by using a search engine.

As for the opinions others everyone has a couple of opinions and they're like armpits, sometimes they stink

The people that care for and support you will back you no matter what. They may question you on occasion but they will be behind you.