OK I just reread 25's post and have a lot of respect for 25 even though I am new here. I'm sure there's great DB value in ignoring the birthday, given your history. It would likely make a point.

My H thinks we're friends and will be after D, and friends make each other feel cared about on their birthdays.

This stuff is SO confusing.

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.