Well yesterday was a really good day. We did an emotional needs question thing from another website and had a good talk. It really shed a lot of light on some things. There is NOTHING that we can not fix.
Yesterday was a day of fasting and prayer for me. I prayed a lot for my husband, the OW, my MIL myself and my children. It makes me feel emotionally and spiritually strong when I build my day around a lot of prayer. The days when I am in prayer a lot tend to be either the really good days or the days when really painful things come to light.
I decided to take the kids to the playground. I told him I was doing it and said he could join us if he wanted but did not put any pressure on him. He came and we had fun injuring ourselves on the playground for our kids' amusement.
We had pastoral counseling last night. The pastor had been kind of dancing around the EA my H is in and will not totally end. Last night he came right out and told my H that there is no way God would send him this woman and wouldn't it be his plan to break up our family. He told him that until he ends it he can pray until the cows come home to love me again and it isn't going to happen. My husband agreed but says he is just not strong enough to do it. UGH! We have such happy times and everything seems normal and fine between us. We are living like a normal husband and wife and he seems happy most of the time when he is not making an effort to push me away (those are probably the times when he recently heard from OW). If he could just cut the ties with her and put closure on it I KNOW we could move on and rebuild our marriage.
There is also a lot of fear in my H. I am kind of ADD about things. I will be gung ho about making changes or something and then kind of let it go. I think he fears that if I make changes for our marriage I will just let it all go again. But before he did not tell me what was bothering him so I did not know what I needed to work on! Now I know and I know how close I am to losing him. I will do whatever it takes!
