Saving the M and caring for a baby

[KenF]

everything starts with yourself. and is all about yourself.

trying to control the other, or change the other will only lead to failure of the relationship. blaming the other will only lead to failure of personal growth. cataloging and listing the others faults will only lead to the break down of your willpower to save the relationship.

if dueinMay is going to say things to him, then she has to expect him to say things to her. apologies after the fact, are nice, but do very little to alleviate the damage, they're more for our own guilt.

i am also very slow to apologies. not because i believe i'm right. but because i use the guilt as a reminder of what i did to another person.

i could say hurtful things to another and immediately apologizes and in my mind its all forgiven.

but instead, i choose to view that apology as a cheap way to help only myself. the hurt i caused is not lessened, that can never be undone, it cant be unsaid.

by not apologizing, i must carry the guilt and which reminds me not to do that again. to be more careful next time.

people are too quick to forgive themselves, and too slow to forgive others.

so boundaries must begin with ourselves, you cant set boundaries on another that you cant keep yourself.