I would say your W is stilll just leaning D right now. Not adamant, not h3ll bent, just still leaning - although it may be a bit more.
Originally Posted By: LearningPatience
She says she is not interested in any physical R with me, which really hurts a lot.
Yeah, I can understand that. I heard it before and I've heard it at MC. However, she is still not in a good place right now, so I don't think you can take this completely at face value.
Originally Posted By: LearningPatience
I just think it's so cosmically stupid that W and I got to this place. And I know stupid isn't the word, but I'll use it to describe the fact that W has seen my changes, that I've reverted to the man she first fell in love with, that we had a great history until recently, that she's seeing her own IC and MC, and yet doesn't, or can't, work on the M.
It good that she sees your changes. However, has she done anything for herself to revert back to the woman you first fell in love with? Would you take her back with open arms as she is right now?
No 2x4s from me on the email. Yeah, it may be considered to be pursuing, but she responded positively to it. So - do what works!
Journaling - I think I need to take a break from my life
Sunday morning I ran my first half-marathon. Finished at 1:54:24; had lots of fun doing it (though I'm a little sore today). Hung out at the beer tent for a little bit, had a couple with some pizza and talked to a bunch of people.
While I was there, W and another female friend texted me asking how it went. Replied to both after running an errand. Heard from MIL this morning that W was wondering why it took so long for me to respond, even though she didn't say anything back when I did. OK...
So here's the point in the story where I learn I need to be careful. After having some champagne, watching a football game and taking a nap friend texted me. She was joking around, saying "Marathon training starts tomorrow;-)" and I responded "Ugh! Will you bring me some food?" Friend lives a good 20-30 minutes away and I was joking, but she says sure, what do you want? Wasn't sure if she was serious, so I asked her for recommendations, she gave some, and I told her what sounded good. Texted a few more times back and forth until last text before she got there "btw, I'm a sad bunny :-( please have jokes/silly dance/kitty pics ready!!!" Hmmm....
Turns out friend and her bf of 3 years just broke up. We sat at my apartment for a couple of hours talking about all sorts of stuff. This friend is the one that I had a huge crush on last year, and while I don't feel the same about her anymore I do still like her. In a way it was odd but it was also really nice. Walked her back out to her car and we gave each other a big hug. We did a little more flirty texting when she got home where she mentioned we should do this again soon.
Thankfully I can see all the potential traps here and I'll assume for my own sake that I'm just a male friend that she can commiserate with. I don't want to complicate my life any further, even though the temptation might be there to do so. It's one thing to flirt with random waitresses, etc. for a small ego boost. It's another thing entirely to go beyond that with someone who's a friend to both W and I...
GAL Man, you ask if the interactions between W and I are working for me. After talking with friend about our SO's yesterday, both good and bad, I'm not really sure. I know I love her and can point out so much good in her, but I wonder if I want her back *now* the way she is. It's not something I need to answer right this moment, but I suppose at some point it might be. I wonder what my answer will be?
Anyhoo, this week's GAL activities: concert in Detroit tonight, work trip Wednesday, meals on wheels Friday, art shows in Grand Rapids on Saturday and a book show next Sunday. Taking the week off for running, but only because I was advised to
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Journaling - kinda physically and mentally spent. Came to the realization this week that I'm no longer 20 years old
Went to a concert Monday night with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. Used to be really close. Concert was *great*, but very long. It was over around midnight, I got home at 1:15am and couldn't fall asleep until 2:30.
Friend and I talked about sitch quite a bit on the drive (he sits the next row over from W at work). There was one thing he said to someone that he wasn't sure how I'd take. Told him to go ahead. He had described me to another co-worker as OM's girlfriend's H. I got a laugh out of that
W texted me between acts asking "how was your first day without running?" I found the timing and question odd, so I texted back that I was sore and ran into a former co-worker. She then wrote back that her great uncle had died. He'd been in poor health, so not surprising. I texted back my condolences, called her briefly, but went back to the show and like I said, had a great time!
I woke up around 6:30 Tuesday for work, couldn't sleep any more. Between the running, late night, and everything going on I only lasted at work for three hours. Went home and tried to sleep. I had this odd feeling that I just didn't want to deal with W, didn't really want her around. But I also had the feeling while trying to nap that I really wanted to snuggle with someone. Somehow managed to nap, got haircut later and hung out with my boys in the evening.
W has adoptive parents in NM and birth parents here. Uncle who died was adoptive dad's uncle. W is flying out to Albuquerque for the service this weekend. I didn't know the uncle well, but the one or two times I met him he was really cool.
I asked W a couple of times if there was anything I could do, don't want to push her too much though. Thought about asking if she wanted me to come along but didn't. W will be around a bunch of family, so she'll have enough support. It did hurt when her adoptive parents wrote back to me about the whole family being there, knowing that I'm not really part of that group anymore. I know they didn't say it to hurt me, they still seem to like me and I think are saddened about the whole sitch between W and I.
Going to a wedding in a week, reception is being held at same place W and I had ours almost 5 years ago. Not sure how I feel about that; guess I have a week to figure that out.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Honestly, I started looking into marathon training today. I am *such* a glutton for punishment Pictures from the race came back today, and I was smiling and looking good in all of them.
Did a lot of running around (ha ha) in different directions for both my boys tonight. Took S15 out for boneless wings and beer (well, for me anyway) and just sat and talked. He's had his issues for a while, but he's been great lately and we had an awesome time!
W has been having a hard time from how it sounds. She had to work mandatory overtime this week, arrange last minute flights for her and SD, normal house stuff and deal with her own emotions. I've tried to be supportive without pushing. She sent a text while I was driving with S15:
W: I know u said u want me to ask u to do things sometimes. Its been crazy this week but when I get back
My week has been crazy too, I don't think I'd have had time (or inclination) to do anything with her. Still, very nice gesture with all that's going on.
Me: Crazy for me also. No worries! Have a safe trip.
W: Thank you. Its all such a rush. W: You need to get the tomatillos. And try the grape juice right after I get back. (Aunt) is watching house and dogs if u need anything.
Was teasing W last week about making wine from the grapes in the yard, so I guess there's at least juice. I also have an awesome salsa recipe for the tomatillos that I said I'd make.
So, between hanging out with my boys, nice messages from W and flirty emails with friend mentioned before, I had a pretty decent day. Mentioned the wedding location to friend, she offered to flirt shamelessly with me in front of W. Tempting as it sounds...
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Don't I know it I already have enough (self-induced) drama in my life. I'll be a good boy. Besides, I've already had my turn where I was the 'talk' of the reception, it's someone else's turn this time.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
