Saving the M and caring for a baby

[KenF]

its all just food for thought. there are those who actually think on the advice and those who only see what supports their view point. i believe the key here is to always be able to think from many perspectives, to always check our own actions, and to question ourselves first even when that hurts the most. those who refuse to see their own mistakes will always fail.

yes, dueinMay is evolving into the WAS. and this is fine, she's been through a lot at a critical time in her life, and carries a lot of anger/disappointment in the man she married. we all have limits, and some things cannot be undone.

in my case, my x surrounded herself only with those who agreed her perspective, never questioned her stories, and who agreed with every example she gave of why i was evil and she was a victim. anyone who disagreed or asked questions, she stopped talking to.

so this is where i'm coming from.

i support dueinMay, i honestly hope everything works out for her. she's the only reason i'm still posting here.

but while i support the person, i think there are areas she also needs to change, or at least question her perspective. i see a shift in her attitude which is heading in a direction that may not help her.

as an example: my d will have an emotional breakdown over one of her toys not working. to her this is like a death in the family. to me its about changing a battery.

but i have to realize that from her perspective this was a life changing problem. and that to her this was as traumatic as any emotional breakdown that i have had.

i have to allow that these are equal - from our own perspectives. else, what i'm implying is that she is less worthy than i am. and this is a form of narcissism.

so what i'm trying to get to here is that dueinMay should be careful not to devalue his right to his feelings, while hold her's too high. both he and she are equally worthy of their feelings, from their own standpoints, regardless of whether you and i and she feels they may be ridiculous.


dueinMay, apologies for talking about you in the 3rd person. it just makes it easier for me.