Well I now feel I should actually be in this forum. I'm pretty certain there was not actually an affair but there probably was a lot of "looking around" on the web.
Over the last few weeks she has casually thrown into conversation the fact that she had that secret email account. Passed it off as something she needed for this or that.
She mentioned it again today and had pretty good reasons for having it. Reasons I have taught her in the past for internet marketing purposes.
So anyway. I haven't posted in awhile. Been reading here once in awhile but mostly into my routine. Training hard as I'm getting closer to my test time. I'm enjoying my time alone a lot. I've also really noticed my responses to her a far diferent. I don't accommodate her any longer. We get along great and spend quality time together. We do enjoy being together. That's obvious. But I don't buy into her s... If she's in a bad mood I call her on it. She always responds by laughing a bit and saying she doesn't know why she's so b.....y. Most of the time anyway. Sometimes if I know she's really tired I just let her be and when that happens she just kisses me goodnight and leaves.
But tonight I observed something very intereting.
I had bid a job a few weeks ago. I've been going around with it and I know I've been way underbid but my level of expertise is way beyond those bidding against me. I recieven an email saying I could have the job if I dropped my price 1k to match the next highest bidder.
I really needed this job. Times are tight.
I told my W and she got furious. She said tell them hell no.
From my perspective I thought "Why you ungrateful b..."
I told her she should be grateful and I was taking it. We needed it and even though it was less than I wanted I felt I had to take it and couldn't risk saying no.
So a few minutes later she came upstairs and said she wasn't being ungrateful. She was very grateful for the job. But she was pissed that people didn't want to pay me what I was worth. At that moment I got it.
I have a lot of knowledge and skills. My knowledge runs very wide in many areas but in a few very specialized areas my knowledge runs very deep. In one of my specialties there are only a couple people in the world with skills that match or surpass my own. But those skills don't always get recognized. To me, mostly it's no big deal. But I just figured out to her it is.
So here I was thinking she was being a b... and what she really wanted was for people to recognize me. This is an interesting point. I've built several businesses up in the past. Businesses that were totally new concepts. But in each of those cases I had a partner rip me off. That has left us broke. So in this broke state I guess I don't get a lot of recognition and being broke is very hard on both of us and the M as well.
I think this is really interesting and very loving in a way. She sees in me something no one else does and it really really frustrates her.
