Do what I can but still have questions 4

[aeolianchaos]

Last night I stood up to H and told him that if he wants to get a D, then he is completely on his own. I told him that I will not put ANY effort into it until I am legally required.

What did you feel as you did that?

We had quite a long argument about it and I overstepped a lot and fell back into old habits, but at least I was finally honest with him about what I am really feeling about the mediation meeting.

I don't think that you standing up is a bad thing. I actually think it is a good thing in many ways.

Yes, you take the chance that your husband may move further and faster towards divorce. That is the risk you take. However, your husband's behavior (as you describe it) seems to me as manipulative and strikes me as a form of normal marital sadism.

One thing I learned recently is that this kind of power dynamic ends when someone stands up and says 'enough.' So if that is really the dynamic at work, then it may be the best thing that you say 'enough.'

BUT

Be clear with yourself: You are not telling him what to do - you are telling him what YOU are going to do.