I think I'm done.

[crushednstuck]

Well, the silence has been broken with requests for a divorce. She never was willing to try. I am working on forgiveness and moving forward.

I have maintained that I do not want a divorce. She countered that it was mediation or attorneys. I have maintained that I would not go to MC unless douche was gone. But, I am considering breaking my only boundary in the face of the end game.

There is nothing to lose. If I offer to break my boundary, let her select a counselor, and she still declines, then I can walk away knowing I've done everything I can possibly do to save this M. It is the one thing that is keeping me in around (besides my kids, of course). It is the uncertainty that maybe there's more I can do.

She actually said it wasn't supposed to be like this. Like it was a play?!
What should have happened?
"You should have fought for me."
I am fighting for us.
"By working on yourself?!"
Yes, by improving myself.
"You can't, you were never taught love. You can't love me the way I need."
"It's too late"

The tenor of the conversation was clear. I did everything wrong in the marriage and I should have done something huge to make up for it. Her affair is justified.

Her latest spew came when our neighbor allegedly calling her a whore on FB. She raged that I did not defend her. I suggested that maybe neighbor was experiencing a lot of pain resulting from the break up their friendship when W moved out. Perhaps investigating why she might have done something like that. "I don't need to forgive, I don't need people like that in my life" she replied.

I countered that you don't have to pardon her, but the other type of forgiveness releases YOU from the hold they have on your feelings. "I don't care what she thinks"

One last Anger sandwich please. I almost delight in the thought that someday I will not be in the crosshairs of her rage. But it's not comforting. I know there will always be some manufactured slight that I will have offended her with.

Taking a poll: Counseling for three? or no?