Time to let go of the ordinary...#35

[whatisis]

My version didn't work for you? Oh well

[kat727]

The big screen I have, the beer drinking certainly doesn't work for me! lol Good try though. I will keep it in mind and edit if hers isn't any good. lol

kat

[kat727]

Happy birthday Christopher! As all of my friends here will tell you, you make me very proud. It has been hard for me to step back and let go...I am working on it. Thanks for letting me come along for the ride. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. . Love you, Mom

[kat727]

Happy Birthday Ryan! 16... what an exciting birthday! We might have to go driving now. . Have a day as awesome as you are. Love ya! Mom

[mishka422]

Yea!!!! Happy Birthday to your boy!

[kat727]

Thanks Mish!

So ironic today. I read an article about a football player turning down a new contract to go to school. It was very moving how this young man and his wife had taken in a homeless woman and helped her get back on her feet. When I am talking to my kids trying to decide what to do tonight for the birthday boy, I get a message from a former co- worker/ friend I had lost touch with. She has lost her house, is now homeless, basically lost her kids and her family is using tough love to deal with her. She wants to know if she can come and talk.

I say she can spend the night. I take her to dinner with us. I am trying to think how I can help her when she gets in touch with her on again off again boyfriend who takes her to pick up her clothes. She hasn't come back yet but I need to go to bed. She has my number, so she can call me. My head is swimming. How did things get so bad for her? How can I help her get back on track? Do I need to step back and let her figure that out?

Kat

[SunFunOne]

Hi Kat,

We all want to help each other & sometimes it can make a huge difference for the friend. BUT...

I would be wondering WHY the family is using Tough Love on her. Sounds very suspiciously like she may have an addiction. Whether to drugs, alcohol (I have a best friend in this category) or to the boyfriend or ratty lifestyle. If she is addicted - she has to learn to help herself and you can only suggest.

Frankly - if she was my guest and stayed out past my bedtime - I'd lead her to the door in the morning. Don't let her use you.

Sorry - but I've been down that road before. I will help people who really need the help. My brother is a real softie and he has taken in so many "users and abusers" at the cost of his own family. Try not to let that happen to you.

I wish the best for both of you.

Barb

[kat727]

She never showed back up or called. She did go to rehab for her alcohol and drug addictions. She is definetly in a downward spiral. I heard a lot of blaming in her statements and while she is finally admitting some of it to herself, she has a ways to go. I don't know exactly how to get her to where she can get the help she needs in all the aspects of her life. She had her purse stolen so she has no ID.

Though she isn't my responsibility, I do feel terrible for her. Perhaps the best thing I can do is let her know that I think she can get out of this mess but she has to start, she just can't keep wandering the streets and go from home to home.

kat

[mishka422]

Such a sad story kat. She sounds like she has some pretty major problems that need professional help. Like you said though, she has to want that help and ask for it. You can't do it for her.

[MichelleLT]

You are a wonderful person to help, but don't let yourself be taken advantage of. If she wants your help, she needs to do certain things as well.

Just because she went to rehab doesn't mean her addictions are cured by any means. You can tell her the truth, but that doesn't mean she'll hear you. It won't necessarily speed up her process. But by all means, tell her. Sometimes it's the things we don't want to hear that we need to hear the most.