i'm seeing things a bit differently from most here. maybe its the devils advocate in me. everything below this point is my opinion, and is not meant to hurt you, although it may, but to make you think. feel free to ignore it. but i think you're on a dangerous path right now.
i'm glad you saw how your comment of him dying, is the same as his saying he doesnt like your arms. both were said to inflict pain and were said from the place of being hurt. you're no better than he is in this matter. you do have our sympathy because you post here. but to a neutral person, you were much further over the line than he was.
i think you're both the same. you both cant let go. you both are trying to hurt each other. you both are making moves in the right direction, but neither can go the whole distance. you're both still looking for where the other is wrong.
you are both at the point where you want to be right, more than save the M.
of course he sees your pregnancy different. there is no way he could see it the way you do. its impossible even for the best of us, and for you to expect him to understand is wrong. a man cannot begin to understand what it means to grow another life inside of you and what that feels like. its alien to us. so to continue with this, there is no other end result but to guarantee his failure. this is your trump card.
this would be similar to him saying you're wrong because you don't understand the man's perspective of the pressure of being the family breadwinner. because when a family fails financially, its always the man's failure to support his family, and to men this has its pressures and expectations and responsibilities, and i have rarely met a woman who understands this.
you cannot fully understand his perspective. he cannot fully understand yours. its just physically and emotionally impossible, based on anatomy, upbringing, societal teaching, etc.
but to say your perspective is more important than his perspective is where this starts to fall apart. his feelings, regardless of how you choose to view them, are important to him. and your feelings are important to you.
by doing this, you're saying you are more important than he is.
where does this leave you both? trying to one up each other on past wrongs.
and what is this doing for you? causing you to always think about how much he hurt you, searching your history of all his wrongs, keeping inventory. and you him.
and whats the end result? you keep finding more and more reasons to dislike him. your anger increases. and then you divorce.
as long as you continue to find things to blame on him there is no other possible result.
so a new start doesnt mean pretend it never happened. it means you need to find a way to discuss what happened without blame and with less emotion. what happened was a response to something which was a response to something else, and on and on, its the chicken or the egg thing.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
