"Unless or until she changes her mind about this or this marriage comes to an end, I see no path out."
Yep, you drew a line in the sand, didn't you? How's that working for you?
From here, I cannot imagine being your W and starting a sexual R with you. You sound extremely passive aggressive. You've locked a no-win situation in stone. Her libido is at 0, and you require her to both initiate and be horny and enjoy sex for anything to be different. It is not going to happen.
Do you think after 14 years it is time to quit stubbornly sulking and try something different?
How about an apology? "W, I let us both down, I am deeply sorry. 14 years ago I didn't respect your boundaries. When you tried to enforce them, I reacted badly. Then I tried to force the answer I wanted from you about a commitment for sex, and when I didn't get it, I made it extreme in my own head. I made believe that you said that you would never have sex with me again and that if I ever tried to change that you would count that as me ignoring "no means no." But you didn't say that. I have been stubbornly sulking for 14 years. I have been waiting for you to come over to me and make it all better. Instead, I should have let go of my fiction years ago and tried to be a partner to you, including being a sexual partner, instead of a stubborn, sulking, self-indulgent needy boy. I've been working on changing that, on being a better man. With that has come a wait loss. And with that comes a man who insists on having a better partnership with his W, including a better sexual partnership. I love you, I miss you, I ache for you. Let me have space to learn and grow. Hear my apology. Let us heal."
