I slipped up. H watches UFC. I texted him to tell him that a high school friend of mine is in the season that premiered tonight. No response. Made me feel like an idiot.
And that is the pattern I need to break. Blowing up at him, apologizing for it, then trying desperately to make up. Yuck. Not attractive. Not in the slightest.
I know I shouldn't be irritated at this, but I just am. I had to take S1 to the doctor this morning (I think he has a sinus infection). They were running behind and I have to pick S4 up from pre-k at a specific time. I called H to see if there was a chance he could pick S4 up, but he said he was busy at work. I know it's not his fault that he couldn't go get S4, but I'm still irritated that my morning was wasted waiting at the doctor's office, only to have to leave and come back again this afternoon. In my mind, it's so easy for me to get upset with him even when he hasn't done anything wrong.
"In my mind, it's so easy for me to get upset with him even when he hasn't done anything wrong"
Anyone else ever do this?
How do I stop this mindset?
Yep^^^^^^^^I have done this many times. I believe you read Truegrit's post about accepting your S 100% as he/she is. And that when you try to change them it causes problems. That is what you and I do when we get angry at them. We are trying to change them. It doesn't work so stop getting mad at him.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
H just stopped by for a couple of minutes to see the boys. I think I did well. He was kind enough to stop by the pharmacy to pick up S1's prescription. I thanked him for that. I popped a snack for myself into the oven, then retreated to my bedroom to read. He came back there a couple of minutes later and asked what I was doing. I told him I was reading. He said, "No. Why are you back here?" I told him that he was here to see the boys, not me, and thought I'd give them some time alone together. By that time, D4 came in and everyone just kind of hung out where I was trying to read. Before he left, he asked me if I had found a job yet. I told him no. I also told him that I have a couple of appointments with Ls next week. He said, "Okay, but what happened to mediation?" I had suggested mediation to him a while back, but he ignored me. I told him as much, but also said I am still open to it. He said, "Okay" and left.
Detaching it hard. He still gives me butterflies when he's around. I miss him so much. What I wouldn't give for him to just touch me.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and decided to share. I was once a WAS.
Back in 2005, I left my H for personal reasons (I’d rather not discuss details). No looking back. I took my clothes, my computer, my cat, and that’s it. I moved out to California to live with a friend and start over fresh. I was 22 years old and didn’t care about what I was running away from. I know it hurt him, but he just let me go. I didn’t think twice about him as I tried to start my life over. Things didn’t go as planned and I ended up moving back to the east coast to stay with my dad while I tried again to start over. H and I had no contact with one another for 3.5 months. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but I remember that I received an email from H. I do remember that he asked how I was doing and genuinely seemed to care. Of course, I wrote him back and told him I was doing well – just trying to get on my feet. We kept exchanging emails back and forth, flirting a little here and there. One thing led to another and before I knew it (3 weeks maybe?), we were discussing R. I remember feeling like I was getting a new start in life. I remember how right it felt to go back into his arms.
I keep going back to this time in my life. It seemed so bright and free at first; until I realized what I was missing out on. There was absolutely nothing for me to go back to but his love. Nothing tying me to him whatsoever. I just woke up and knew.
This is proof to me that things can be turned around. We really do just have to let go. It gives me hope that one day, he will be the one to wake up.
ellay do you have one thread? It's easier to follow a story if it's in one place...
and if I didn't ask you elsewhere, have you read the DIv Remedy books?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Why don't you let him do the heavy lifting and ALL that kind of talk...and just protect yourself?
Also make sure you ask your L what risks YOU take by earning income right when you two are splitting up (if that happens).
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
