Both David Schnarch and Al Turtle, well-respected sex and marriage therapists respectively, teach that people marry those who are best able to help them overcome their issues, because they invariably have equal but opposite issues of their own. Each is the ideal "sparring" partner to teach the other how to grow. However, if one/both refuse to grow, then they rub each other's wounds raw.
No, I don't believe that if a woman refuses to have sex that it's the man's fault. It is a symptom of both their unresolved issues in conflict.
