The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

[LearningPatience]

Journaling - kinda physically and mentally spent. Came to the realization this week that I'm no longer 20 years old

Went to a concert Monday night with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. Used to be really close. Concert was *great*, but very long. It was over around midnight, I got home at 1:15am and couldn't fall asleep until 2:30.

Friend and I talked about sitch quite a bit on the drive (he sits the next row over from W at work). There was one thing he said to someone that he wasn't sure how I'd take. Told him to go ahead. He had described me to another co-worker as OM's girlfriend's H. I got a laugh out of that

W texted me between acts asking "how was your first day without running?" I found the timing and question odd, so I texted back that I was sore and ran into a former co-worker. She then wrote back that her great uncle had died. He'd been in poor health, so not surprising. I texted back my condolences, called her briefly, but went back to the show and like I said, had a great time!

I woke up around 6:30 Tuesday for work, couldn't sleep any more. Between the running, late night, and everything going on I only lasted at work for three hours. Went home and tried to sleep. I had this odd feeling that I just didn't want to deal with W, didn't really want her around. But I also had the feeling while trying to nap that I really wanted to snuggle with someone. Somehow managed to nap, got haircut later and hung out with my boys in the evening.

W has adoptive parents in NM and birth parents here. Uncle who died was adoptive dad's uncle. W is flying out to Albuquerque for the service this weekend. I didn't know the uncle well, but the one or two times I met him he was really cool.

I asked W a couple of times if there was anything I could do, don't want to push her too much though. Thought about asking if she wanted me to come along but didn't. W will be around a bunch of family, so she'll have enough support. It did hurt when her adoptive parents wrote back to me about the whole family being there, knowing that I'm not really part of that group anymore. I know they didn't say it to hurt me, they still seem to like me and I think are saddened about the whole sitch between W and I.

Going to a wedding in a week, reception is being held at same place W and I had ours almost 5 years ago. Not sure how I feel about that; guess I have a week to figure that out.