hey gb thanks for the advice, this is basically what I am doing, going on with life, working on me, etc. When we talked the other night she said of course she will miss me, we had mostly good times in our marriage, but she must move on. Very sad. How is your sitch?
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
make that 100% committed. When i talk to people who have been married for a long time, (the latest was yesterday to a wwii vet who has been married for 64 years,), they basically are completely confused as to why she wants a d, the issues we have, ie. lack of intimacy, taking m for granted, putting my family on the same level as her sometimes, lack of communication on her part, are typical issues that arise within a m over the course of a lifetime, certainly they dont rise to the ocassion of a d, but, sadly, her perception is her reality, so that is really all that matters.
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Gunny we earned the title the same way. This is not old home week so I’ll dispense with the usual where, when and what BN.
It should not have surprised me that many of the principals burned into my being then and in subsequent training have applied to rescuing me from the abyss and maintaining my sanity. Even the General Orders can be applied. Here also applies your MC aplomb.
Cease focusing on what she is doing, MLC or WAW does not matter at this time; focus instead on what you are doing. Show her the man she is foolish to leave behind. Show do not tell. If it does not distract or impede maintain peripheral awareness of her and her actions, focus instead and make it apparent you are focusing on improving you.
She has told you what her issues are. Start there. What can you change that will: a. require minimum effort b. have the greatest impact
Pick a couple that will provide the most traction do the 180 consistently for you, make the change permanent. When it is permanent pick another and begin again. Do not try to show her. Be confident she will notice.
Accept that you will likely be separated for a time. Keep your focus. Apply the 37 rules as guidelines just as you would the General Orders.
There is no quick fix, no magic trick there is only the work to be accomplished the effort to be expended. Every relationship is not saved; frankly only few are and you decide when you are done no one else.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
stunned, 4 years active duty with MARFORES,, 1 year active with 6th mtbn 2003-2004, the rest assorted Reserve units, Allentown PA Red Bank, NJ etc, etc, 2531. And you?
The advice is good. Have been trying my best to follow it. Originally when she told me on June 20th, she was going to stay around until March 12 when our lease on our condo ran out. But, foolishly, the night before my trip down to florida to pick my mother up, I wrote her a very apologetic letter in which I took responsibility for my part in our troubles, and asked her to commit to going to MC with me. Up until then I had been following DB pretty closely and things were going pretty smoothly. When I came back from the trip, she had left me a letter in which she said that staying until march was no longer an option, that she was now going to move at the end of October, and that she was sorry things were working out this way but it was time for us to move on.
Of course, this really shook me up, and while my mother was visiting, she moved in with a friend of ours whose place was vacant. Well, my mom is back in florida, and my w is back living in our condo until oct 28th, when she is scheduled to leave. She gave her notice the other day at work, she has worked there for 19 years, so I know she is serious about moving on. I know there is nothing I can do, and am resgined to starting my life over. I just wish she would give us another chance, that she could find forgivness in her heart, maybe she will, maybe she wont.
You are right about her telling me what the issues are, and she is aware that I have taken steps to remedy them, 1. mother visiting every summer for four weeks, cut down to two, possibly none because of physical limitations on her part. 2. Lack of intimacy, working on that with therapist and Divorce Support Group. 3. Not having fun when we do stuff, partially true, but I think she is just being negative now. As always, thanks for listening, SF MAC
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
stunned, Just read your initial post back in jan 11. How are things working out with you and s? How about s and dil? Hope they are well, keep me posted
