NEED ADVICE

[gunny]

hello js,
Thank you for the good advice. I definately do not want the d, we have been m 11 years, t 13. no kids. By her own admission, we had a good m, although the closer we get to her leaving, the more negatives she finds about it.W and my mother butt heads, and my m comes up every year from florida to visit, usually for 4-5 weeks. W has told me over the years when my m visits she shuts down emotionally. This year, right before my m visited she dropped the bomb. W has had major issues from childhood, abuse by stepfather, father m 3 times, mother twice, mother is alchohic etc. These issues have often reared thrier ugly head in our marriage, in different ways. For my part, I came from a family where affection was discouraged, not much touching,etc. Married her when I was forty after a 20 year career in the Corps. The bottom line in our marriage was that at one time she loved mer dearly, but over the years her love for me slowly diminsihed, until this june something popped and she told me she wanted a d, not a sep, but a d. As far as I knew, we were doing fine, we had gone to MC in january of this year after 7 sessions, w said that we had made progress , that we were good , and that she believed in us.
In reading many of the posts on this board, I see that she definatley exhibits many if not all of the attributes of a MLC, change in hair styles, change in language, wearing and buying loads of jewelry, saying she is 45 and not 60, (alluding to our lifestyle being boring)listening to old music from the 80/s, reestablishing contact with old friends in ohio where she went to school
Recently she has been engaged in an EA possibly PA with an old flame of hers from when she was 16, he lives in ohio and she will be seeing him when she moves there in 6 weeks.
Bottom line, our marriage was a good solid marriage, with many of the issues attached to m these days, lack of affection on my part, taking it for granted on both of our parts, resentments built up over the years that were never addressed, our mc said that she had a tendency to stuff her feelings, thus, I was truly unaware of her unhappiness, so here I am in my sitch, sorry to be so long, but wanted to give details to help others here. Thansk again for all your feedback and help. Sorry for the posting on different sites, i will stick to this one, thanks again.

Gunny