It finally happened :)

[verysad2day]

After almost of 10 months, I finally dropped the rope. I pretended for months. I acted as if I had, but had a firm grip on hope. Yesterday, after another great weekend that turned bad, it happened.

I want my marriage and who use to be my husband. Then it hit me....Out of my control. Actually, I'm not even sure I want him as a friend. He has played me for 10 months.

I have agonized over the "what if's" "what will happen?" for almost a year. All that agonizing has worn me out.

I am now in control of my future. Will I have to file bankruppancy? Probably.... Will I lose my house in forclousre? Probably. Have I had a great 18 years in my house? Yup. I raised my daugter here as a single mother. Can I afford the heartache of being attached to the home and bills anymore? Nope.

Finally the storm in my head has cleared. So what if he files for divorce? I did my best and now I own the future.

He did come over last night to bring dog food. I fell asleep on the couch. I woke at midnight and guess who was in my bed? I got in and went to sleep. No desire to snuggle. This morning woke up and got ready for work. I am sure he was WTF? She is always all over me, almost begging me for sex. Nope no desire.

He has a lot of work to do if he ever thinks he can have me back. Even then, I am not so sure.