Stillness

[aeolianchaos]

So another substantial conversation between WAW and myself. Although I don't know how much substance there was in it.

Kind of felt like stasis to me.


AeolianChaos I'm going to be moving out next weekend, so maybe its going to be easiest to just handle it all in that process?
WAW: oh wow
did you find a place?
AeolianChaos Yeah. Just need to sign the lease.
WAW: thats great!
WAW: anyways, you dont have to tell me where it is- just curious. I hope you like it.
AeolianChaos ?
AeolianChaos You think I am hiding my address from you?
WAW: no not at all
I just dont want to overstep my boundaries.
AeolianChaos what are your boundaries?
WAW: not quite sure... but I feel like there are some. I just dont want you to feel like I'm prying
AeolianChaos Why would I feel like you are prying?
WAW: I dont know...its my own insecurities I suppose
AeolianChaos You feel insecure about how I feel?
WAW: i feel insecure about how to communicate with you and I feel insecure about how you feel in that Im just not sure
AeolianChaos what is it that you are just not sure about with regards to those things?
WAW: if you want some space...
WAW: I want to still communicate with you
AeolianChaos Why is it that you want to still communicate with me?
WAW: because I care about you
you're a big part of my life
AeolianChaos So you feel like because of that, you want to be in touch with me?
WAW: yes...is that wrong? I just dont know if you want me to- and if you dont, I wont try
AeolianChaos What would that look like, in your mind?
WAW: us keeping in touch? well i'm not sure about the future, but in the immediate- doing what we're doing? talking online?
AeolianChaos Why do you think I wouldn't want you to?
WAW: I dont think that, I just dont know what you want.... I'd like to think that in the future you and I could still be friends, but that might be unrealistic....and unpredictable as of now
AeolianChaos why do you think it might be unrealistic?
WAW: given our circumstances, what I did to you...
AeolianChaos In cheating on me?
WAW: yes. and wanting the divorce. it wouldnt be totally inconceivable if you didnt want to talk to me again
AeolianChaos Well thats a challenging part.
WAW: I cant imagine
AeolianChaos I value our relationship a lot. Enough that I wanted to work things out even when things got very difficult.
WAW: I know
AeolianChaos A lot of that value, for me, was in the fact that we had created our lives together for almost a decade. It wasn't in my day to day feelings about you or anything like that.
WAW: I still value that aspect of our relationship, we grew up together.
AeolianChaos Yes, in many ways we did.
WAW: I do want to talk to you about this, and how we can still communicate...but I have to chase CAT down for her vet apt. I didnt expect we would talk about it. you can always email me.
AeolianChaos About what?
WAW: what we were just talking about...or whatever.

... (some chat about my moving arrangements.. nothing special) ...

AeolianChaos Well go take care of CAT. If anything comes to mind, feel free to shoot me an e-mail
WAW: I will. good luck with the move, and have a good time with your parents when they come-
AeolianChaos it's not until next weekend
WAW: ok. I'll talk to you later then- take care:)
AeolianChaos bye


I'm going to break this into two posts.