My husband and I have been together for 11 years now, married for 9. We have 2 children together. This is my second marriage (first one ended because of emotional, verbal and sexual abuse), his first.
For the past three years our lives have been turned upside down. We made a long distance move just as the economy tanked. Jobs that were promised to my husband in the new location disapeared.
My H took a job were his mother worked but it was just not the right job for him. For the first time in his life he was let go from a job. It KILLED the strong confident man that he was. He retreated into gaming. I tried to pick up the slack. He was weak and I kind of took over out of fear.
Soon I was depressed. Things were bad with money and extended family. I retreated into myself. I became distant. I also was away from my family for the first time in my life and I was trying on a lot of new skins. I was extreme in a lot of things. I let a lot of things go like keeping the house, my appearance, etc. Sex became all business most of the time.
We did not maintain our marriage because we had no sitters, no money, no time and were just stressed. We stopped talking and having fun.
Now here we are. My H got into an emotional affair. He was going to leav. He says he has tried for 3 years to love me but he just does not feel the same love for me he did. He still loves me in a sisterly way, finds me sexy and attractive, and we have great sex but he is not sure he wants to be married anymore. He also refuses to end the emotional affair even though we just moved and he is now over 1000 miles from the OW.
My H has agreed to stay around and try counseling (twice a week with pastor 2 a month with counselor). We have some great days and some bad days. Since he refuses to completely get rid of OW we do not have much progress.
I am so confused by my H because he is like two different people. When his gaurd is down he is the man I married. He is sweet to me and fun. But then it seems like he realizes what he is doing and he has to put the wall back up.
I have gotten so much advice from different places and online that I am not sure what to do anymore. Basically I am just asking the Lord to guide everything I do. Right now DB stuff seems to make the most sense but I am kind of concerned. My husband complained that we did not have a relationship anymore, I did not give him affection, etc. Now he says I am doing great with that. I feel like pulling back from that would be a mistake???I feel like pulling back might be the opposite of what he wants from me since he says he enjoys the affection I am showing him now. I will be trying to put on a happier face, etc though. I think that is maybe the one place I have been going wrong. I think I am meeting all the needs he expressed that I was not but I can't figure out which one I am not meeting that his continued contact with OW on the phone is giving him. I think it may be that she is cheerful and happy. I can be cheerful but have times of extreme sadness. I must make an effort to hide that from him and only be cheerful.
Well that is about all I have to say. I am terribly confused and sick of the ups and downs but I love my husband and am commited to the vows I made so I will find a way to make the hard changes.
