Saving the M and caring for a baby

[25yearsmlc]

May,

Even in his crazy MLC land, he knows there's a big difference between "stealing life financially" and your pregnancy. He knows at some level and feels like a jerk for comparing the two. IN fact merely comparing them is offensive but anyhow...

YES There are ways of letting go of the past, and different approaches work for different people, obviously. (Just think of the PTSD veterans and know that MOST do let go and most do become happy healthy folks again. We're not all nutty forever).

I can't post much now though. I'll just say this one example of learning to go "from this day forward" (interesting that that phrase is in so many vows...?? hmmm)


Anyhow, a few months before h was scheduled to leave for the Last Frontier, and "Goldrush Alaska", etc.... he had a conference in Palm Springs he wanted d's and I to attend (they were then 17 & 7) with him.

That was too whack for me b/c after all, he was to leave 8 weeks later, as far as I was concerned, the m was over. He'd never come back and I"d never join him and ALL THAT JAZZ...

I didn't want to "reward" him or make him think all was well and it seemed impossibly awkward and fake for me to try and go and have fun.

But my db coach pointed out that this would be a last vacation for d's and as a family (Son at colllege) it'd be nice for the youngest espeicially to recall life with daddy as being not all bad and fighting.

But how?

So, I decided since it was only 4 days, I could shelve my pain and anger at h and be positive.

& I MEAN Positive! Like instead of seeing him as a nerdy guy monopolzing conversations, I decided to see him as a man who is so bright and informative that the girls were learning a lot from him on our hike. I enjoyed his singing and the way he can spot wildlife from a mile away,even in a desert.

I refused to see him negatively for those4 days, which meant I had to LET GO of all my pain and hurts, and there were so many accumulated...

So I reminded myself that I could always "resume" my anger later, and that actually made it possible for me to shelve it, just for those 4 days.

at first I had to interrupt my negative patterns and remind myself to not whine or criticisize or even think bad thoughts...but it got a little easier after a full day of 24 hours together.

THe 2nd day H began to change. He relaxed and laughed more and complimented me... I Believe we simply began to like each other again.

The girls had a blast and I KNOW the memory is a treasured one.
Seeing them laughing and learning and all riding horses together...I began to wonder how sure I was that

I would toss it all...

and I felt love for h, and pride in who we were raising as young women.

When the 4 days were over I did go to "pick up" my anger but I didn't want all of it. Too heavy,

compared to what I had just been enjoying b/c what had been going on was, really a glimpse of what forgiveness looks like.

And I liked the lightness I felt. So I only picked up a piece of the old anger...and eventually that had to be dropped too.

Just didn't make sense anymore to carry it around.

And btw, I don't believe ANY couples are capable of seeing their past the same.

Witnesses to accidents don't see objective events the same, how can involved parties see their history and r's the same?

Pointless to try. IMO..[i].focus on "from this day forward" and agree on THAT.
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((( )))