Wife Says I fill her with hate when she sees me

[25yearsmlc]

Hello Calidad,

I'm glad you have recognized the "Nice Guy" routine. Seems like you have identified with yourself. Here is the kicker though...

You have to FIX YOUR behavior. You have to show that you are changing. You really have to understand, that your W will not trust you until she see's you changing once and for all. THIS takes SERIOUS amounts of time. Time that you may or may not have. DO NOT BOTHER TELLING HER. SHOW HER.

You have to change for you and not so much worry about dropping an Ultimatum RIGHT NOW. Seriously, with EA/PA can it really get worse at this moment? Don't focus too much on enforcing this information just yet...take some time and soak it in. In the mean time just be distant and BETTER yourself. Don't worry too much about enforcing a boundary when you have SO MUCH to do for yourself.

I truly believe in showing your best self and getting acquainted with YOU. Once you do this, Boundary setting and what's BEST for you will make everything much smoother. I think you of all people can identify extremely bad behavior, but until you handle them correctly just play it day by day until you grasp EVERYTHING. Then think about setting an Ultimatum.

Read DR...if you already have...do it again. Just my opinion. It's all about doing EVERYTHING differently.

this is great stuff. And not telling us vital info b/c you post elsewhere is why we like ONE thread...but some LBSers want to "shop" for answers and only hear what they want to hear.

SO READ this^^^^ post again and again.

Stop anticipating HER moves and your counter moves.

Instead of strategizing for expected/planned battle, and "winning",

Be a better man and BE the better choice.

No matter what SHE does...or how "fair" you don't think it is.

Unfair? How about Africa...my real point is that in HER mind you pushed her into his arms so you have nothing to complain about now...

right or wrong, it's HER perception that counts and no bludgeoning her with your "logical arguments" is going to help.

I think It'll annoy.

So just Deal with what is.

Its not your job to be the judge and jury and executioner and the sooner you Stop making this about winning, the better.

IF you really have read the DIv Remedy book, please do so again. Your approach just seems like it's from... elsewhere.

But I'm very sorry for your pain and stress.

I know it's very tough, but it does get better. IN TIME.