Update - September 2011. My H and I are still building our marriage and we both very hopeful and committed. However, I is definitely work. We he first came home, he and I both wanted to please and appease each other to assure one another that we are both committed to investing the work to make our marriage succesful.
After about 3 months, I started to notice that we became "comfortable" with our progress and began (I say BEGAN) to see trust restored. However, we had a brief disagreement about one thing and I swear, I thought that one thing was going to seal the fate of our marriage sending it down the tubes!!! But my H surprisingly and with comfort said the next day that he was sorry, apologized and said that he knows that it will take us time to get use to "normalcy". Meaning that in all relationships, marriage or not, disagreements and arguement occur, but it is how we deal with each other after the arguement and disagreement that really indicates "marriage maturity".
I thought it was very insightful. I still sometimes have thoughts about if he has seen the former OW, but then I remember the DB techniques I learned here.
1) Patience is a virture and never allow my "thoughts" to control me 2) Get out of my own way; let things be and in time clarity will shine through 3) GAL and MYOL (maintain your own life) even after reconciliation 4) Be good to myself (knowing that I am the best advocate to for myself in achieving happiness) 5) Never maintain anger; you can be disappointed or even displeased, but never hold hold to anger because it will drag you into a pit of despair.
My very good DB counselor (you know who you are) continues to be a wise and faithful friend and that has been helpful. I hope this help some along in dealing with their pain.
I once did something to myself that was unimaginable, then I GALed and realize that life without my H was possible. It was possible and to my surprise, my H asked to see if we could build a new marriage. We are bulding one brick at a time.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
