The thread of life

[ClingingToHope]

There were lots of times pre-XW that I liked someone more than they liked me and finding out the truth always hurt.

Part of the reason, I think, that we fight so hard to hold on to failing marriages is that we don't want to go through the "does he/she like me" dance again.

I know I didn't.

I had a similar thing happen to me this summer. Church_31, I wrote about her often. I was just infatuated with her. She was everything physically and situation wise that I'd want to have. We were texting a lot and I finally got up the nerve to ask her out and it turns out later that she didn't see it as a date request. She thought it was just a friend request. She showed up to July 4 church thing with a date and has been with him ever since.

It just totally deflated me. I felt like the 17-year-old desperate for a date to prom.

I even considered dropping out of the church group, but I manned up and stayed in it and it's continued to be a good thing for me. I still see Church_31 now Church_32 there and I wish her the best. I like her boyfriend. He's from the group too. And now, looking at her more critically, it was for the best. There are things about her that would have been tough to deal with long term.

I am trying hard not to get too excited about this OKCupid contact that I'm having lunch with tomorrow. It's just that my mind plays games, it goes back to the early dating days with XW.

It's such an adrenaline rush to think that'll happen again. That's what's happening with you -- the adrenaline is gone.