W is out of town until Friday for some conference or something. S and I had a really nice night last night watching a movie and eating dinner, etc...
I actually slept better than I had. *(still not great, but I did dream which means deeper sleep) I wish the sleeping and eating would get better, but every time I think of W moving -- of OW, of basically the whole thing, I stay awake and am unable to eat more than a banana or so a day! Val I do eat the protein bars too.. That was a great idea. At least I get my protein --
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
IS, if you follow my pattern, that indigestible knot in your stomach will eventually go away. You will start sleeping again. Of course, if you start going absolutely nuts GAL'ing , you will at times be so tired you'll just collapse eventually.
I am glad you had a really nice night with your S. That's very important GAL'ing!
JB, I had to laugh at your comment above- you, of all people, are the one I've been trying to emulate and here I sit at 1:50 AM... :-D
IS, maybe your W being out of town will mean a much needed break for you. One day at a time, right? At least you can maybe get some sleep while she's gone!
How's it going on your end, IS? I was tempted to ask you if you're "in shock" anymore as I found myself feeling pretty numb about my situation but then I was shocked again this morning.. so my question is moot... the shock may never end. :S
hey lucky -- I just posted on your thread! Yes, I think I'm with you on that -- the shock hasn't gone down any. I have good moments -- but that's what they are - moments. I keep finding myself struggling to claw my way out of the depths and to keep myself from feeling like a victim of a WAS who has become a total alien!!! It's maddening and the worst thing I've ever gone through----easily.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
With W being out of town until Friday, I've not posted much. It's been quiet. S and I have had so much fun. We've played, watched movies, enjoyed each other's company.... I cannot imagine how I could make it if W insists on taking him. I love him so much and love being with him every chance I get.
As her return nears on Friday, I find my anxiety creeping back in. I've been able to eat a little and slept much better the past few nights since she's been gone. BUT now I'm thinking of her return. We've had pleasant - nice convos at night on the phone. I keep remembering last week when she told me she's moving out to pursue R wiht OW..... Just after I thought we had really 'connected' one night. She told me that night she felt (when I thought we were connecting...) with me that night just like she would with any of her other FRIENDS...shot me right down.
I'm glad she's being pleasant. I miss being with her as a partner. She even told me sometime in the past few weeks that I'm not her best friend...she doesn't have one she says. It helps so much to read other's posts and see that the whole WAS thing is pretty standard. Push and pull. I;m trying hard to drop the rope.
I'm scared of her leaving. Not sure how I will get through the actual period of selling the house/any legalities/etc... I sometimes think I don't have it in me. I know....I know.... I need to stop the what iffing and start as iffing.
Tonight a friend of mine, her husband and kids are coming over for pizza and to hang out. S loves the kids -- it will be nice.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
saw another poster who mentioned emotional fusion. I looked it up and LO AND BEHOLD!!!! IT IS ME!!!!!
I wonder if this might be eye opening to anyone else? I totally relate to this.....
A person in a fused relationship reacts immediately (as if with a reflex, knee jerk response) to the perceived demands of another person, without being able to think through the choices or talk over relationship matters directly with the other person. Energy is invested in taking things personally (ensuring the emotional comfort of another), or in distancing oneself (ensuring one's own). The greater a family's tendency to fuse, the less flexibility it will have in adapting to stress.
Wow! Like I've said before, W and I never argued...She told me many times over the years I 'tried too hard'. This hit home. Was I just being disingenuous? I absolutely did take her moods personally. I'm taking this separation personally. Maybe this is my problem. Maybe it really isn't personal. Maybe much of it stems from this emotional fusion.
HENCE: REINFORCING my faith in DBing----- until I'm ok ALONE I cannot be there emotionally, really, for anyone (one of W's complaints remember is that she didn't feel emotionally connected to me for a while....and has the 'effortless emotional connection (i know, 25years...LOL) with OW. Still it's pretty interesting!!!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
IS is sounds like you are doing better today . Hope I'm right. I have been pretty down latetly but one thing that is helping me is detaching, getting used to the idea of not being with W in the future. That has helped me, even tho that's not what I want. I was looking at my WAW last night and wondering who tha heck is this person? How could she have changed so fast? She is determined to end our M? Unlike you I argued, not often but I pointed out stuff that annoyed me. W did things differently, really can't explain it. So I guess we need a different approach. No arguing or arguing both seem to have negative outcomes. Hang in there
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
, you will at times be so tired you'll just collapse eventually. 
. Hope I'm right. I have been pretty down latetly but one thing that is helping me is detaching, getting used to the idea of not being with W in the future. That has helped me, even tho that's not what I want. I was looking at my WAW last night and wondering who tha heck is this person? How could she have changed so fast? She is determined to end our M? Unlike you I argued, not often but I pointed out stuff that annoyed me. W did things differently, really can't explain it. So I guess we need a different approach. No arguing or arguing both seem to have negative outcomes. Hang in there