W is moving out.....life goes on...

[In_Shock]

saw another poster who mentioned emotional fusion. I looked it up and LO AND BEHOLD!!!! IT IS ME!!!!!

I wonder if this might be eye opening to anyone else? I totally relate to this.....

A person in a fused relationship reacts immediately (as if with a reflex, knee jerk response) to the perceived demands of another person, without being able to think through the choices or talk over relationship matters directly with the other person. Energy is invested in taking things personally (ensuring the emotional comfort of another), or in distancing oneself (ensuring one's own). The greater a family's tendency to fuse, the less flexibility it will have in adapting to stress.

Wow! Like I've said before, W and I never argued...She told me many times over the years I 'tried too hard'. This hit home. Was I just being disingenuous? I absolutely did take her moods personally. I'm taking this separation personally. Maybe this is my problem. Maybe it really isn't personal. Maybe much of it stems from this emotional fusion.

HENCE: REINFORCING my faith in DBing----- until I'm ok ALONE I cannot be there emotionally, really, for anyone (one of W's complaints remember is that she didn't feel emotionally connected to me for a while....and has the 'effortless emotional connection (i know, 25years...LOL) with OW. Still it's pretty interesting!!!