When I think about the person that I met and started talking to (but no longer talk to), it is just sweet thoughts. smile to my toes. It isn't obsessive or "I need him in my life!" thoughts. Just happy. Thats all. but as he says, "timing is everything" and the timing for us now is not right. I wish it was, but wishing it was doesn't make it real.
I am working on the being alone thing. It's coming along. I have a horrible fear of being alone that stems from my personality, and not being left by H. Take for example...the first time I saw Tom Hanks in Castaway - i had so much anxiety! That is my worst nightmare, being alone on an island! one day is all I could ever take of being alone. I am a screaming extrovert and people energize me.
But I am NOT alone. I have my girls, my parents, my brother and his girlfriend, tons of friends, and work. So I can't use the excuse that I am an extrovert and can't be alone.
I loved being in a relationship! I always cringed when my girlfriends would tell me about their dating nightmares. I never wanted or longed to be single. ever.
Being alone and not being in a relationship are 2 different things. I know myself well enought to know that this will always be a problem for me that I struggle with forever. I hope to continue to grow and develop skills that help me with this. I just know how great being in a releationship can be, and I will always want that.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
