Trying not to hope is hard

[25yearsmlc]

your insight about "needing to be right" with her, was a good one, even though it's not how you saw it or worded it.

It's that idea that "if only she UNDERSTOOD ME, of course she'd agree" is flawed but commonplace.

And it IS mostly a need to be right...

Glad you see that now. It's also a part of respecting her.

Allow her to dispute and disagree. You will never see your marital history the same way. Ever.

Don't bother with the past. What will matter is going on "from this day forward" but you are not there yet.

Although you first posted that you were not controlling or critical and that you "owned your part" in the problems, then

you mentioned often, that SHE didn't see HER role and her flaws...

and I rolled my eyes.

To me, that was more of the same old

"She's wrong but won't see it,
so I'll keep telling her how and

then she'll realize I am more right..." which is SO NOT HELPFUL....

However, NOW, No matter what you called it,

you seem to be getting that

a chunk of your behavior and thought process was, IN EFFECT, controlling and blaming.

And it's great that you dug deep and bravely to see this...

That's what success here, begins with.