Seriously your evidence of it getting physical is circumstantial at best.
You'll most likely never truly know, and you'll have to just live with that or move on.
As for all this rage that's not what being integrated is about. You are still having one gigantic victim puke. You worked so hard in your mind for this marriage, and she is not meeting her end of the bargain so you are in a rage.
Not being an NG is NOT about turning into a jerk. Ultimatums are still manipulative and completely futile if you can't follow through.
I don't recommend making any moves until you know for sure it's physical. If it's not physical yet, your actions will surely drive her to it.
