Going to be blunt here, you didn't do the same thing. I was direct but not confrontational.
Subtle doesn't work. Hint's don't work, they backfire. It's like saying someone should 'know' what you want without you telling them. In the end that just upset both parties.
It's not easy to convey all the things I've tried in 15 years. The joking and light hinting is only what I've been doing in recent times. At first, I was very blunt, and insisted on talking about it to the point that she became almost hysterical, knowing that I was going to approach her and have "the talk" yet again because she had tried to get out of having the talk the last time. I dragged her to a number of therapists over the years, where things were discussed very bluntly.
Believe me, there is no possibility that she does not know what I want. I'm kind and joking about it now because the bluntess of the past made her feel unsafe and pressured to the point of depression. I'm respecting who and what she is at this point, which includes not making her feel really bad for it. I only make it clear to her now what it is I'm missing, without claiming there is anything "wrong" with her. Negativity doesn't work. Been there and tried it. Bluntness does not work in my case. Been there and tried that too and it almost ended our marriage until I lightened up.
As my wife used to say in a somewhat manipulative way, complaining about lack of sex is not a turn-on! And yeah, who can argue with that!
