but you wont do the same

[AJM80]

To answer your question, I am keeping busy, trying to keep my mind otherwise occupied. I'm not ready for a relationship with someone else and I'm not really ready to deal with the finality, expense and emotions/hassle of a divorce. So I am in a bit of limbo. I am trying to break the cycle I have of playing happy family when H is around. I've started to tell more family and like I said, I have a little flirtation going - friends with limited to no benefits? Right now I feel like I'm all dried out and cracked up. Think smashed pottery - I emergency glued the big pieces together so that I look like a water jug again, but if you poured water in I would just fall apart. Gotta get to those little cracks and use some better glue this time.

This is all a mess anyway - it doesn't really matter how it turns out. You need a friend right now, if you know any divorced women NOT in a relationship and NOT NOT looking for a new relationship, a listening, understanding ear might help. I'm getting a lot of hugs from friends and family and it's starting to help. Be realistic about what you're ready for- even if your wife makes you ill, a new relationship won't work now anyway...really, you're healing and sometimes it's lonely and it [censored]. I crave love, affection, sex, someone to fold big blankets/sheets with...a partner. That won't come again for a long time, my friend.