TAMF - It's not easy to understand what we're saying until we see someone's reply, so with that I offer you some clarification in my humble defense....
I agree 100% with you that we all share some responsibility of where our relationships have gone. I'm just as guilty as anyone. The massive amounts of pressure to succeed in a new job and the anxiety I got from various close calls, almost losing my job more than once. I ignored my wife's needs because I was working so hard for all of us and I neglected everyone including myself. I was uptight and my mood was quick to sour ( I'm not guilty of name calling or physical anger ). My wife gave me clues over the years and doing all the reading about MLC that I've done in the last 3 months alone is connecting all of the dots. I feel like a fool for being so selfish. I could not have prevented her from this harsh MLC reality, but I don't think she would be so angry/resentful of me as she is today.
I know now that my wife was destined to go through this. I love her very much and since about 36, she's been paranoid of getting older and us still being in debt and not fulfilling her/our dreams. It hurts to my core that I feel like I have failed, but at the same time I feel stronger for the road that I am on now. I have better direction and organization. I needed her to go through MLC for me to wake up and be an adult. I may dislike this experience greatly, but I needed it so I work hard to learn from it.
As for apologizing, I've stopped. I'm done looking at the past. I already apologized for being a poophead or whatever she see's me as. I took responsibility already and I'm done. The past is the past and the more I apologize for me I continue to remind her of why she's angry with me and all it does is reinforce her resolve against me. My goal these days is to be who I am today and take each day as it comes. It's all about where I want to be in life and not where I was. I feel like if she's ever going to move forward, she has to address the past, accept it, move on and stop dwelling on it.
TAMF, I'm new here, but if you're anything like the rest of us, you've already apologized enough. Quite a bit as we all have. Sure an MLC spouse may only hear/remember 50% of what we say, but do you really want to keep driving home into his mind that you're sorry? You're already offering him options - darn fine options if you ask me, but he's still living with the OW.
I have not gone back to your beginning threads and read your story about what got you here, but from what I have read so far I don't see where you left the relationship/family. I don't see where you need to apologize anymore. You've turned your words into actions/options, but what's he done for you? I hope that doesn't sound cold. I'm not frustrated or angry, just contemplating and concerned.
