The Lies and Deception Killing Me

[abbey1989]

so s20 left for school this a.m. his car broke down once he got there and he was trying to reach H but said H never answers his cell phone (partly true).

H called me this a.m. and also around lunch time. He indicated he was headed to jobsite in the a.m. and then at lunch when I spoke with him he said he was picking up materials and was headed back to jobsite.

When son couldn't reach H about the car, I called and also couldn't reach him. Big surprise....he did call back about 20 minutes later. In the meantime I called the jobsite and our employee said that he hadn't seen him all day. WTF.

So when he did finally answer my call I asked "where are you?" and he got miffed that my tone was irritated and he accused me of barking at him. I didn't let him know that I called the jobsite (which I have only done twice including this time in the last 3 years when there has been an emergency).

Then he goes back to accusing me of not answering my phone (which I almost always do!).

This is what he wrote in my bday card yesterday:
"abbey, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Hope all your years are happy. You have made mine happy!! Love you!"

I am scared to confront him about what I know. You must all think that I am the biggest wimp. I am I guess. I keep trying to move forward and am not sure how to best accomplish that. GAL helps temporarily, but not when I wake up in the middle of the night sleeping next to a man who has no problems lying to me. It is always worse at night.........

[abbey1989]

OK...

So for Father's Day I bought my H a groupon for a brewery tour. How fun! Right? Our other friends bought one too so we were all set to do this tomorrow....and then H decides that he can't have any wheat and is now eating gluten free. So then I said well I guess I'll just give the tix away (I probably had a bit of an attitude) and then he said "well what do you want me to do? get sick?" Coming from a man who has been drinking beer since middle school in Colorado Springs? Come on!!!!!

Seriously! Maybe I should be posting in the MLC board too. Last fall he switched to vegetarian for a bit but it didn't last. Knew it wouldn't.

OW is conducting her gardening/soil class tomorrow at my college. She is also on all of these economic committees and farming bureaus around the county. AND....my husband is helping her build her house where she is growing plants for her business (farming). But I don't know any of this (wink).

H's final project is finishing up...conveniently located so that he can manage OW's project at the same time.... and he'll have lots of time on his hands.

Funny how he does talk about planning camping trips and stuff, and how he likes to ML (if you can even call it that)...and then still keeps on with this OW. It is going on 3 yrs now with them.

I feel I can't compete with her any longer. She is short...I am tall. She is blond...I am brunette. She is fit....I am semi?
She is a home wrecker....and I'm so not!!!

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I think things may come to a head this fall. H is always polite, kind, nice to me....but I know what he is up behind my back and that is not polite, kind and nice.

We did have a nice time cooking out last night with headlamps since like many down here our power was out! Felt like we were camping.

Song for the day: "Round of Applause" Rhianna

[abbey1989]

Worked together on the house today (it was our plan) and I knew he wouldn't "ride his bike" because OW was conducting a class today. How convenient.

Lately I am always feeling anxious because I think he feels like a caged cat. I half expected him to make some fake excuse to leave and then attend OW's stupid gardening class.....then when he didn't....I expected him to make some excuse to leave and have lunch with her.....then when he didn't, he finally did leave to run a couple of errands and FOR SURE will be calling her. "How did your class go babe?..... blah blah blah". UGH!!!! My bet for tomorrow? After our morning plans.....H will go for a motorcycle ride either to watch the football game or after the football game. For sure.

I know I need to not focus on him and I've been reading some other posts and hope to gain strength from those.

Have a nice evening.............

[abbey1989]

So surprisingly H did actually hang around ALL DAY Saturday and Sunday. he seemed distant though. He just called and said I am going to be late I am going to check on one of those Craigslist bikes I have been inquiring about for you. Always a convenient alibi. But when I called right back after D17 called to let him know what sorority she got into...he didn't pick up. knew he wouldn't. he knows I am making his favorite dinner too. I am so conflicted....it is in my nature to be nurturing and want to make it nice when he comes home....but my more devilish side wants to go crazy all crazy on him too. I think my women's intuition is too good.

When he told me where he was going...I closed my eyes and listened and could tell that he was lying.

Maybe a plate of spaghetti in the face upon arrival would shock him back to reality! He he

[abbey1989]

My posts are actually boring ME now. Sorry!!

we had a lot of fun this last weekend (all including friends)....bocce ball with italian fare on thursday, padres game and overnighter in gaslamp with s20 on saturday, train to san clemente for an outing with friends on saturday, dog beach on sunday with friends and brunch afterwards....then monday! ugh.

our computers are pretty messed up right now so we are sharing a laptop to get email. H corresponding with client about a detail on the construction job, and then client responded...."yes we all there at the job yesterday and met". to me it read that H wasn't there. and he probably wasn't. he can come and go because he is THE BOSS. whatever.

anyway, i hope you all are well. on and on and on........

[abbey1989]

H and I went camping with friends over the weekend. it was actually raining on the way there but it was beautiful. Amazing clouds mixed with bursts of sunshine, thunder and lightening. Got some great photos.

Did a great hike......slept in a tent....but no sex. I have decided not to initiate so much because he doesn't anymore. Sometimes I ask myself..."Seriously Abbey...why so glum about lack of sex....he's not all that great most of the time anyway. "

H has a new M.O. Most Mondays he has a "late" meeting.....so.....tonight is no exception.

Did I mention that I took my rings off?

Just not sure how to navigate. Feeling like we are pretty good friends, sleeping in same bed...He rarely touches me.....just want some snuggle time....I want MORE!!!!!!!!

Signing off.......a.

[NNP1965]

can I ask why you removed your rings? Are you hoping H will notice?

[abbey1989]

Hi NNP,

Well...my engagement ring I haven't worn for months now because the prong was loose and needed repair. My wedding band was so tight (I'm 15 lbs heavier than when we were married) and I couldn't even get it off. And every time I know H is probably out with OW, or talking to OW, or working on her brand new house that I'm NOT supposed to know about I look at it and just get mad. H hasn't worn his wedding ring for 2+ years now. About the same time that he started up with the skank.

So....I went to the jeweler last week and had my wedding band cut off! It felt so empowering. I am getting the engagement ring prong issue fixed and also having the wedding band re-sized. I told H and mentioned that I could get his re-sized too and he kind of swiftly changed the subject. Whatever! So I'll get the rings back and then see how I feel about putting them on again on Thursday. Every day is different.

To me what makes this whole situation almost unbearable is that whenever in the past I have asked about this OW, he gets very defensive and tells me that I don't trust him. Then he won't speak to me for days and I feel like he will bolt. SO....I suffer in silence except for this board which helps me journal. In a way it would be easier if he were flaunting his affair, staying out late, not coming home, etc....but instead....he is very sneaky and stealth. I've caught him lying about whereabouts but have never confronted him with what I know. He prides himself in being able to keep a secret. He is a kind, considerate person on the outside but also has this secretive manipulative side too.

Last night, I played the message that he left on my cell phone back in February which was actually meant for OW. I don't know why I save it. Maybe to remind myself of what a cad he is or to reinforce my belief that I am not crazy and that he IS having an affair. Do you think I should delete that message? Maybe I keep it to subconsciously torture myself more?

We ML this a.m. First time in a few weeks. I blew it and called him a bunch of times yesterday (with no answer). I think I need to read the DB book again because I know I am blowing it in many areas. I wish I could remember what it felt like not to feel this way. To wake up each morning and have a positive outlook on the day, week, year, my life.

This affair has taken its toll on me. If I knew it were over I think I could move on....but it's not over.

[kml]

Would it be over in your mind if you had proof positive that the affair was ongoing, confronted him with hit, and he refused to stop?

[kml]

with it