I'm still married. There has been no divorce. I still wear my rings.
Afraid? Maybe.
The choices I make now are for me and only me, and my kids. Afraid to deal with the consequences of my choices? No. It's all I have.
Still feel guilt? Guilt over not being good enough or worth fighting for. Guilt over not recognizing there were problems. Guilt over not being able to save my family. Yes.
Still unable to deal with the end - by initiating the D? Yes. Still unable to understand? Yes. Afraid? I don't know.
I've accepted. The worst that I thought could happen has happened. Afraid to embark on my "new" life? Not a choice that I have, alhough I have contemplated the alternative at various stages along the way.
I live knowing that THIS is my reality. I live everyday knowing my marriage is over, but I'm not divorced. I live everyday unable to understand.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
