I started a disagreement with H this morning over something pretty minor, yet it was something that had upset one of our children and started the day off bad, therefore upsetting me. Still, I know the disagreement that I started was about much more than the issue I brought up with him. It is about me being TIRED of this current living situation.
We have continued to get along well (he was at the house last night for dinner and stayed for awhile after the kids went to bed), but his complacency with status quo isn't sitting well with me. We act pretty much like we are happily married except for the fact that he maintains another home. I recently put up the boundary of no more ML until we are living together again. That may seem silly to some, but something needed to change. When we ML, I just get more and more emotionally RE-attached, and when he gets up to leave afterward, my heart breaks all over again. I've worked hard on DE-taching, and I don't want to see my effort be for nothing in the case that he decides he doesn't want to work toward reconciling anymore.
I'm really not sure how to proceed at this point. I know often times it is better to do nothing, but something needs to change to bring about the next step toward reconciling, if that is what we are going to continue to do.
The separation, at this point, is benefitting only one person in our family...and that is H. It seems to me that he wants to continue being separated to prove some kind of point to me, his parents, his friends, his co-workers. It seems like he feels almost embarrassed to return home, like he has to give the separation X # of months for it to be "valid."
I'm really not sure what my next step needs to be, but status quo is no longer okay.
