I'm still here x3

[JustStunned]

DG, You floated your feelings out there on the ragged edge, and yea you may not have a favorable outcome. It is what it is.

I do not want to encourage false hope. We all speculate to one degree or another.

Now I feel like I am setting myself up for rejection all over again

This is speculation you will be hurt again. I understand why you are bracing. After being hurt so many times it is natural to flinch.

It has not happened yet. Don’t make it a self fulfilling prophecy.

IMO his response indicates he still cares enough to not wish you hurt. In my situation it would be a small positive. Try and gain some strength, either way you’ll need it.

[Telemark]

DG, you were frustrated with having no contact of any kind so you reached out just to have some kind of connection. It's something any one of us have done before.

I understand the feeling of wanting to have some kind of direction or at worst, closure. This sense of us just drifting along waiting for our WAS's to wake up is maddening, frustrating and at times, paralyzing.

Unfortunately these probes usually do not yield the results we want. Our WAS's are still completely confused, yet they resist any opportunity to gain clarity.

The loneliness will pass, and you'll be fine. Then it will come back and stay for a few days and pass again. I guess the trick is to just accept it and let it all run its course.

[~¤DG¤~]

IDK why I even said anything to him. The less contact I seem to have the better off I am.

I am still sick. I am worse today than I was yesterday. I've been trying to push fluids and keep on top of all of this. I am hoping by tomorrow I will feel a lot better.


I want to thank all of you for being my rock. Seriously. I couldn't do any of this without you.

[Telemark]

"The less contact I seem to have the better off I am."

Same here. Anytime I see or talk to my W, the anxiety flares up. It's hard to resist the urge to reach out, but we have to do exactly that to preserve our PMA.

[jbnati]

Anytime I see or talk to my W, the anxiety flares up.

I can resemble that remark to a T.

I think it's because we are either holding out hopes for something positive or dreading something negative coming from them.

So - you're right. Not reaching out preserves the PMA.

[~¤DG¤~]

I agree as well.

[any chance?]

So we all see to be in the same boat. Think the WAS feel the same way?

[Telemark]

"Think the WAS feel the same way?"

I think they get anxious for different reasons. We see, or talk to, our WAS's and want to reconnect with the persons they used to be, the ones we fell in love with. Whether we act on those wants and desires is whether we become pursuers or not. It is still difficult for me to see my W and not hold her, kiss her and comfort her. But I know that would lead to nothing but more pain.

Our WAS's see us and probably feel pulled in different directions: "Am I doing the right thing?" "Does he/she hate me?" "I'm so sick of dealing with him/her." "Do the kids love him/her more than they love me?"

Like jb has said to me before, I'd rather be us than them.

[JustStunned]

Yes, I think they do. They are human too and confused.

My WAS has not been able to look directly at me, or hold eye contact. In the last 6 months she has always had her supporters close. Her demeanor and body language in the meetings with the Ls has indicated stress and anxiety. She clearly did not want to be at either meeting.
Pure speculation on my part based on very little evidence.

[~¤DG¤~]

I don't know what my H thinks, or what he has been thinking during this time apart.
I'd like to think that he still loves me, and by not filing for D, that he is unsure if that is what he wants or not.
But I can't be sure and I know that speculating will only drive me crazy.