Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

Journaling -


H just left. Boy, acting as if and detaching can be so hard...
I looked good as always and I was upbeat when he arrived. He found me and the girls playing and having a good time. I was polite but not not gave him too much importance. I continued doing my thing with the kids and he also focused mostly on them (as he usually does). So I don't think he noticed any difference.

I asked him to help give girls a bath (coach suggested getting him more involved in family routine to make him feel as an important part of our family).

Then we watched the girl's favorite show (part of bedtime routine). I danced with them as we usually do and he could see we were having a good time. He didn't join us until the very end when I asked him if he wanted to dance with us.

Then on to bedtime routine. He tried to pull me in to an argument for something really petty - he questioned the age at which the little one needed to go for her 1st dentist check-up. He interrupted me while I was answering and questioned the validity of my response. I simply shrug my shoulders and told him if he wanted to, we could take her sooner. He immediately jumped and told me not to be upset. I replied that I wasn't and he insisted. I then simply asked to please not get into it in front of the girls. He was frustrated that I defused the sit and didn't engage him (as I usually do), so he left the room and went to pout in the living room.

I continued putting the girls to bed, sang to them and he could hear us having a good time. When he is in a good mood, we sing to them together, but tonight he actually waited until I came out of girls room to come in and say good nite to them. Kind of childish if you ask me...

When he came out, I offered to heat up some of the dinner leftovers and he accepted. (He eats dinner at my place 3 -4 times a week, although he never arrives on time to eat with us. He just shows up whenever, so I don't wait for him anymore. Although it would be nice for the girls if he made an effort to eat with them...)

Anyways, he grabbed the paper and began reading. I served his food and I kept myself busy cleaning the kitchen, getting ready for the baby's night feedings and setting the table for tomorrow's breakfast.

Tonight I also made a point of not starting any conversations (I usually ask him about his day and try to engage him). I answered politely when he talked to me - only small talk, though. I could tell he was still either confused about my behavior or upset that he got mad at something so silly. It felt quite forced and a bit awkward.

After he finished eating, I thanked him for helping with the girls bath and he thanked me for dinner. We hugged each other briefly - not a very warm hug, and he immediately left

I don't know if I should feel satisfied with myself. I think I was following DB principles, but I think he felt quite uncomfortable about the whole exchange and I am sure he thinks I was mad. He always thinks I am mad, but in all fairness, my reputation precedes me. All those years with so much anger in me will be hard for him to forget. Plus it is more convenient for him if I am mad, cause that justifies his actions.

Tomorrow we will be meeting with our real estate agent to discuss a drastic price reduction in the sale of our town home and its short-sale. I knew that all these months of H not wanting to budget and reduce our spending was going to eventually catch up to us. (We originally had planned to sell the town home as soon as we bought this house where I live with the kids. He left 7 days after we moved in to this house and went back to the townhome. So we have been carrying 2 huge mortgages that we cannot afford for the last 7 months.)

I also confirmed an appointment with L for Tuesday am of next week.

wow... I still cannot believe this is my life now.
but tomorrow will be another day.

Was my behavior appropriate? I just don't know anymore...