Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

A final couple of words about whether the woman I've been with thought the sex was enjoyable: if they are to be believed the answer is yes. The physiological responses seem to match their appreciation.

My ex-wife told me, as we got further away from the pain of the affair and the divorce, that I am still the best lover she has ever had.

And my current wife, although this is old news, had the following reaction after we became sexually involved: "Your wife gave this up?" I've tried not compare the two for obvious reasons. Her big fear was that my soon to be ex-wife would change her mind about me (including the missed sex-life) and might decide to come back to reclaim me or at least to try to reconcile the marriage.

The third lover I've had was a good friend with whom there had been lots of sexual teasing and innuendo between the two of us over the years. I had been a shoulder for her to cry upon.

It was good if s little strange. But it changed the way we spoke to each other because we now knew what it was like to be with each other and we both knew it could happen again if we weren't careful or weren't otherwise ready to take a close friendship straight into romance. We had mutual friends that we did not share this with. We maintained our friendship for quite some time after but it was a little weird knowing that we had been able to drop the pretense and sexually pleasure each other and according to her it was really great.

I have sometimes wondered if that and a few others were a missed opportunity.



Let me say a few words about my weight gain.

During much of early life, weight was really not an issue. I was always in the range of 165-175 pounds as a young adult. During the period after my son was born, my weight did creep up to between 190 and 195 pounds over a three year period. I was less active and traveling much more. After discovering the affair, I lost all that weight and more. It wasn't so much intentional as the emotional strain, and the fact I was not traveling as much any longer. In fact, in the year after the affair, I dropped back to less than 160 pounds. But that was almost too light and building muscle strength for some of my high altitude activities brought my weight back up.


When my current wife and I met, I was back in top form. I could run a 10K road race clipping off 6-1/2 minute miles, ski day after day on long western ski slopes that totaled tens of thousands of vertical feet, climbed mountains, backpacked solo in wilderness areas.

But then again I was 32 years old, a more than a year and a half out from discovering my ex-wife's affair. I was about 170-175 pounds when my current wife and I first met.

Part of my sexual capabilities, performance-wise, was tied to my physical conditioning. Physical exhaustion wasn't really much of a concern on my part. I knew that. Making love was not something to be rushed through...one could always find enough time (an hour or two) to take our time and really enjoy ourselves. And I was physically up to it.

Part was just being in-tune with my body (and with hers). I didn't worry about my own orgasm. Hey, if I was a little quicker than normal, we could keep going and really draw out a second one. We used to joke about that in the context of a Chinese dinner...it wasn't over until we both got our cookies. But I describe my own orgasm experience as something like 'relaxing into orgasm' and for me there was more than just 'one type.'

Finally, there was what nature provided. Size can matter.

I stayed pretty active throughout those first six years of our relationship before we got married. When we got married in 92 (I was then age 39, she was 45) my weight was 185. And although I was less active than I had been early in our relationship, I was still less than 190 by 1997.

But after 1998, when it became clear that our sex-life had ended (and I have told her that when she said that she was not willing to be sexual with me at any level or at any frequency, I knew that our sex life had come to an end and she had ended it), there was a bit of a "pity-party" on my part.

Like, why bother to maintain a healthy weight, stamina or they way I look if sex is no longer part of the relationship? I remember thinking that.

Now the weight gain was not immediate or rapid. It took from 1997 to late 2007 to go from 190 pounds to 248 as a peak short-term weight 9dsy-to-day was something like 244-245).

I began the weight loss in 2008 and have stair-stepped down in weight to my current weight which is wobbling in the 186-189 range (I'm on a plan to drop to 175 so this wobble is characteristic of how my weight adjusts.

Even at a relatively stable weight of 190, my body continued to change (to catch up). So, I'm headed back to a target weight.

And yes she, and others, have noticed. Since I have not been sexually active in years, I don't have any idea of what I've lost in terms of physical or sexual stamina or capabilities.

I only have the standard body statistics to work with: my weight, BP of 102/67, resting heart rate back down 55-60 bpm. No problems going 10 miles per day walking/hiking distance (with or without a pack). This summer when I was in NM at 7000 feet above sea level, I expected the altitude to preset a bit of a challenge to my exercise routine. Though I was aware of the thinner air, it did not hold me back from going at my normal pace. It did run my heart rate up about 10 percent higher than it's usual rate under load.

But other than making an accusation, noting that I'm going into smaller clothes or that older ones fit once again...I can't say whether I'm any more pleasing to the eye than I was before.

I know that I am pleased with what I see when I look in the mirror (I really noticed this summer when we were on vacation). My stomach is almost flat again, the love handles largely gone. But the weight loss wasn't for her, nor was it the immediate result I set out upon.

Noe I'm meandering and I want to finish one more response before I spread out in my usual place to sleep.

The Captain