yay Lucky!! I thought of that myself. When W leaves the grocery bill will definitely be less. Especially if I stay on this 'heartbreak' diet much longer.
I keep thinking of you and both our struggles to make the proverbial lemons into lemonade. Yes it SUKKS but I keep telling myself that the more i let go and let it happen....the sooner it will either resolve itself or I will move on. Blah!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Lucky, continue to look at those positives. I saw my grocery bill drop, too. The meals are all better planned and the house is cleaner, too. My S and I have talked, too, and now every night he's with me is a boys' night! You get the picture. Make the house your own and start doing things your way!
H told me that he'd be coming over this week Tuesday and Wednesday. And like last week I just got a text where he's opting out of Tuesday. I didn't give him any flak about it. I'm getting pretty ambivalent about the whole situation.
More FB messages from a friend who is trying to bring me news of how H is behaving. She and her daughter work in the charity group that both H, K and (until recently) I worked in.
Quote (with names changed, of course):
"My daughter and I were talking about the charity scenario. She and I are both uncomfortable with being at events with K and your H, knowing that you're at home with your kids, while he's philandering. I must say, I admire your strength and class; you've handled this well, with great dignity and strength of character. I'm sure it hurts deeply (how could it not?), but you'll make it through this, as you've got a great support system behind you, and lots of love from a lot of people. I'm frustrated that your H would allow his overwhelming desires to splinter the group like this; did he not think there would be repercussions amongst us? That's part of the reason my daughter and I are uncomfortable with it; it's as if he's oblivious to the effect he has, or believes he is justified. I'm sure many people would say that we have no business judging him or his "personal" choices, but I don't see it that way. His choices hurt other people, most notably you and his children (and K's son), and to see that there are no consequences for him just makes me ill at the level of selfishness and greed he exhibits. I'm disappointed, but not surprised, that he would turn his back on his family, and chuck away the work you've both done to repair the marriage, just so he can have his fun. (A personal observation: why do "other women" believe that the man will stay with them, when they didn't stay with their wives? Stupid, stupid women). You deserve better than what you've gotten; but I think you've already received that better reward, with two great kids and friends and family who are ready to help you and support you. I'm probably being a bit of a "mom" here; kind of protective and willing to fight for you, if necessary! H is not likely to change his behavior because some tough old broad like me tells him he's an idiot, but at least he'll know that someone doesn't allow him to intentionally hurt people. Rock on, Grasshopper. You are strong and compassionate, and you are Woman!"
I gave her my warmest and kindest regards and my thanks. I am grateful for her and her daughter.
However... I told her:
[snip]
"But there is no need to to further regale me with tales of H's misbehavior.. it actually pains me to read.. both in the knowing and also in the knowing that he is making others upset with him.
As my support group tells me... "Keep him out of your thoughts and heart as much as is possible. Now is the time to focus on yourself and to grow."... I am trying. It is hard to think of myself as an individual when I've been a part of a team for so long. But - this is the challenge set out before me."
She agreed to stop reporting on what H is up too. I thanked her kindly. All it took was two days of her and her daughter reporting what H and K were up too and I could feel pain creeping back into my heart. No... there is no need to tell me what he is up too.
I am thrilled that he isn't coming over this Tuesday. So odd.
Well... enough about him.. now about me.
Today I did a lot. The kids and I went shopping for new jogging pants for S5's gymnastics (four pairs for 11$ - I love thrift stores!) and I picked up some new things for the house.. a new shirt for me (once the house is in order it will be time for me to start getting new clothes added to my wardrobe) and then I took the kids out for donuts.
Afterwords my brother came over and we took down a large set of shelves in the kid's room. It was too heavy and oddly put together for us to figure out how to truly take it apart. I texted H and checked with him first, asking him "I'm taking the wall unit down in the kid's room. Would you like it for your place?" He texted back "No but thank you for asking."
I felt it important to ask to avoid potentially vexing him.. y'know.. "I could have used that! Why didn't you ask me?"
So, with confirmation that he didn't want the wall unit that he originally put into the kid's room last year... brother and I took an axe to it! And carried it out in pieces. (It was a big, heavy unit!)
Brought in a new, smaller set of shelves that fits their room a lot more nicely. Moved the kid's bunk-beds to the other wall.
I can't wait until both kid's are in school tomorrow (the only day this week that it happens) so I can continue redecorating on a budget! It's nice to be excited about something.
D4 went out after I picked her up from preschool (while S5 was still in kindergarten) and BOUGHT A KITTEN!
We had a cat before but he's an old man and not interested in playing with the kids at all. This new kitten is a play machine and already worth the purchase. I smile everytime I see him.
So now it's me, S5, D4 and our cats: Venom and Vader.
I haven't been on top of how FB set up regarding my relationship (online) with H. And I saw a photo come up in my feed of K draped all over his car all sexy-like.
I wasn't expecting it and my heart plunged into my stomach. Guess I'm not as ambivalent about it all as I was hoping. Several days of strength worked up and I'm releasing it again with a good cry this morning.
Well, that was the kick in the stomach I needed. I didn't defriend H but I defriended K... then I changed the privacy settings on H's profile so I don't get any of his stuff in my newsfeed.
He's coming over to "hang out" after S5's gymnastics tonight... unless my feelings change, I think I'm going to ask him to leave after he helps put the kids to bed.
Really... really tempted to tell him to go home to his new family and his new woman. But that wouldn't be DBing.. would it? I'm sad and I'm even a little angry. This isn't a foundation to be having any sort of talk with him tonight.
No, you do not need to see that cr*p! I think FB would be a great place for people like u and I to connect but in terms of families and destruction, it's really been a horrific thing. I read once that FB is now cited in 80% or so of D cases.
I know that W connected with OW through FB -- when I don't know, but it can be as destructive as it is fun and useful. I find that the more I stay away from it when I'm emotional, the better I feel in general!
I'm sorry you are having one of those terrible emotional rushes today. The waves are overwhelming sometimes, I know. Fortunately, they say when we feel them and get through them (and don't RE-act, just feel) we will be stronger.
((HUGS)) as always my friend and SITS!! I hope your afternoon will be peaceful in all ways. Sure do wish I could call you.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Moved the kid's bunk-beds to the other wall.
