Alternatives to "I'm sorry you feel that way."

[aeolianchaos]

I'll take a stab at this.. it's kind of hard to imagine for me right now, but perhaps these would be useful for you to help her feel heard. I will emphasize that if you go this route, you need to be strong enough to not defend yourself from what she says. It may sting a little, but if you just let it be "information" you can actually follow the trail and learn a lot.

And if there is truth to some of it - well you can own it and apologize sincerely and succinctly.

She told me this evening that it is very hard for her to be in the same house with me.

"So you feel like being in the same house with me is difficult?" "Why do you think you feel that way?" "What do you think it is that makes it difficult?" "When did you start feeling that way?"

She told me this evening that her animosity grows toward me when she feels that I am lengthening the divorce process.

"You feel like I'm lengthening the divorce process, and this makes you feel hostile towards me." "Why does that make you angry?" "What do you think I'm doing?"

She has told me that she is not interested in spending time with me.

"Okay. I understand. Let me know if you change your mind."

Without being there, its hard to fully conceive a lot of this. People tend to confuse their perceived strategy of getting their needs met with their actual needs. So, sometimes when you ask questions to elicit information you might get a better window into what the heck kind of needs she is trying to meet through this strategy of hers.

If you pay close attention to what she says when she answers, you might start to be able to pick up on some themes and some clues as to her needs/wants.