time and distance

[any chance?]

A:
You need to hang in there. Be strong. Let the situation develop and keep things in perspective. GAL like mad. You will get through this.....

[any chance?]

Been a brutal few days. My mind is swirling more now than when it was 5 weeks ago when W left.

Pretty clear W wants nothing to do with me, and is working hard to put me behind her. End result from my perspective is that everything we have had was a waste, all a cruel joke. Not a very positive thought.

On the one hand it has been five very long weeks. On the other, it has only been 5 weeks. What side to believe?

Been getting abuse from friends for enabling W. Have taken the high road and have been supporting her while she 'heals'. The longer she does not want to interact with me, the more I am beginning to realize I am probably being played.

[Telemark]

"Have taken the high road and have been supporting her while she 'heals'."

How have you been "supporting her"?

[any chance?]

There are no D papers filed, our finances are joint, she is not working, on my health care, but, most important, IMO, I have been emotionally supportive during the entire process. That last part is why her lack of communication is so hard to take....why am I emotionally supporting her if she just wants to leave me in the dust.

A hugely complicating factor is the clinical depression issue. How to separate her depression from any rational decisions she may be making is virtually impossible. What to believe? What to hold on to?

[jbnati]

A hugely complicating factor is the clinical depression issue. How to separate her depression from any rational decisions she may be making is virtually impossible. What to believe? What to hold on to?

Yes, that is tough.

It seems like right now, your W is trying to get tons and tons of space. Once the newness wears off, it's just going to be the same old, same old for her. Then she move the next change or start moving back toward you - you just don't know.

You need to detach, work on your PMA, and GAL like crazy. Then, GAL some more. Seriously, it will make it easier to detach.

[Telemark]

"why am I emotionally supporting her if she just wants to leave me in the dust."

Why, indeed?

To me, emotionally supporting her means you are still building your life around her and not you. You're filling her tank at the expense of your own.

We have to let our WAS's deal with their own decisions. As long as your W thinks you are going to be a lifeboat for her she will not do the hard work she needs to do on herself. You can't do that work for her; only she can.

Let go some more, AC. You have to cut the cord at some point or you are going to make yourself nuts trying to fix something you cannot fix.

You know where I'm coming from on this, don't you?

[gunny]

hello all,
agreed, we must keep moving and staying busy.I am in the same boat as ac and ayngl. Last night, my w and I had a long talk, she is leaving in the next few weeks, we are friendly, and I ask her questions on what things I did in the mariage that contributed to its demise. I want to know these things because I think it will help me in my next relationship. She said we had alot of good times, but that my inability to show intimacy and my devotion to my mother/family took away from the quality of our marriage. Many times she did not feel like she was a priority, and I have to say, she was probably justified in feeling this way. When I think of the lost opportunities I had in this marriage, I want to cry, sometimes i do cry, but I am also strong in my conviction that this is a normal part of grieving, we are going through the death of our marriage. Some night I sleep, some I dont' the nights that I do sleep, I always feel better the next morning.
Again, AC hang in there, maybe we can correspond back and forth to offer support,
Gunny

[any chance?]

Yes, I do know where you are coming from, Tele, and I appreciate the thought.

There is no doubt I am driving myself crazy with this sitch. And stupidly, as there is absolutely no sign the W evens knows I am on the planet.

[any chance?]

Update
Just spent 5 days in the mountains on a work trip. It was great to get away. Trying to refocus my mind to move forward.

Got a text out of the blue from my W - first contact in 2 weeks. Just wishing me a safe drive. Suppose it means she thinks about me on rare occasions.

Sometimes I wish this whole sorted sitch was over. Limbo is B$. I think I need to detach and move forward. If WAW thinks grass is greener elsewhere, I hope she enjoys it.

[jbnati]

AC, I'm glad you were able to get away.

I think I need to detach and move forward. If WAW thinks grass is greener elsewhere, I hope she enjoys it.

Wait until she finds out it's really Astroturf. Yes, you do need to detach.