Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

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Love No. 2

Although my HS girlfriend (Love No.1 ) produced a deep feeling of love, I didn't speak of her very much when I met Love No. 2 (it was my mom that told her how much I loved my HS girlfriend).

We met at the end of the sophomore spring semester just before final exams (my HS girlfriend and I had gone our separate ways as I began my sophomore year in the fall). And although she was pursuing me, I was hesitant because she seemed to have some unfinished business with her "former" boyfriend/fiancee. I was clear that I did not want to get in the middle of something, even though I was otherwise interested.

I went home during part of the summer (coming back for second session of summer school). We wrote letters that became longer and more intimate about the hopes and dreams we each had for ourselves and our lives. There were some complications (I was really serious about her previous relationship being over), but I was eventually convinced that previous relationship was over and our letters became more suggestive and erotic.

When I returned to campus for the second summer school session, it did not take long before I lost my virginity to her. I was not her first sexual partner though she was mine.

I "performed" well, thanks to listening carefully to my friends (particularly my female ones) and a nice little book by Cosmopolitan which I still have. It wasn't until much, much later that she found out that was my first time. She assumed and then reinforced the idea that all my "experience" or apparent experience came through my sexual relationship with my HS girlfriend.

Fast forward through a remarkable sex-life. In the second year (after she graduated and lived off campus), we stumbled somewhat. The sex was still reliably good, but the closeness that so characterized the times during and between sexual encounters was less reliably there. And we began to drift apart. Suddenly, the sort of certainty (and exclusiveness) of our relationship just did not seem to be there. Her old boyfriend, the one from two years earlier, was somehow back in the picture. In addition, there seemed to be a coworker of hers that was a bit too present.

It was during this troubled patch that I ran into my old HS girlfriend and the way we reconnected threw all of what I felt about Love No. 2 into question. But as nice and surprising as the sexual possibility with Love No. 1 was, I eventually realized that she and I were still stuck in a non-sexual space. In retrospect, that was a good realization.

Now we were not married, had not even discussed marriage or what our combined future might be now that we were out of school.

Eventually, I came back (literally) from my family home in VA and began to patch up the relationship with Love No. 2. Although she never asked (and I did not volunteer) what happened with my former girlfriend, I also did not ask (and she has never volunteered) what if anything was going on with her former boyfriend or anyone else. She surmised that something happened that was sexual (she was right only in the direction it was going).

And in rebuilding, we considered our future together (and that there was one) leading to an engagement and eventually to marriage (two years after this rough patch in our relationship). Sexually, things were not only as good as they had ever been, they were better. Making love with her was always like making love for the first time.

A little over two years after we were married we made the decision to start our family and all through the pregnancy, the sex was frequent and very intense, right up to the day before she went into labor.

And then it all stopped. Now part of that was the C-section and what was once so very easy was now difficult. But it was more than that. Three years after our son was born we had only ML only 9-10 times. About that time she met someone 7 years younger than us. About 10 months later, right before our 7th wedding anniversary she revealed that she was having an affair.

Although, I was willing to work on this, there was nothing I could do to save this marriage. Love No. 2, who chose to be in a relationship with me only to get what she wanted (in this case a child and motherhood, which she freely admits) only to become non-sexual with me and ultimately dispose of me and our marriage.

I could not fathom why I was so utterly cutoff (and punished) by my wife from any real sex life (only to be blindsided by this affair). What was my sin? Two actually.

First, I was not the father she had imagined for our son. There is a whole conversation about how that turned out.

Second, two years before we were married, as described above, I had revived feelings, albeit briefly for my former girlfriend. It was not until much later when we were about to be divorced that she finally made the sexual accusation and that's when I leveled with her. Yes, in one sense I came incredibly close to having sexual intercourse with her and no I had not ever had sexual intercourse with her. She must have believed me because of what she said to me next.

My ex-wife, Love No. 2 (in sequence, not intensity compared to No. 1) had gone from a deeply sexually satisfying relationship to one where there was barely any sex at all. Or once a gain, a woman who found a way to get close to me so that she could ultimately NOT be sexual with me.

Love No. 3 is my current wife and that has also devolved to a non-sexual relationship...no sex at all since April 6, 1997, no attempts at sex since November 11, 1997.

That's my experience with long-term relationships. Woman who get involved with me, just so they don't have to be sexual.

I hope that clarifies my comment for you.

The Captain