JS, I'm not sure what my answer to that is. I have mentally and emotionally detached from the situation, and was fully prepared to move ahead with the D proceedings. If she were to ask me tomorrow to forgive her and let her come back, I don't think I could do that. But that's how I feel right now.
I want her to take care of herself, and get the help she obviously needs. With or without me, she deserves to get her head and her heart right. I could hear some desperation in her voice today, and I am concerned about her mental and emotional health.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
protect yourself because of OM and his mom's position in your W's life...
and by your words, all she asked was that you take things slow with the D...
Things you know: + believe none of what they say + believe only 50% of what they do + no expectations + be careful about having too much hope + try not to be happy because of her unhappiness
If she were to ask me tomorrow to forgive her and let her come back, I don't think I could do that.
Nor could I in my sitch. Sure as God made little green apples her sitch will crash down around her and she will look for a rescuer. If that is what she wants and she turns to you….
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I want her to take care of herself, and get the help she obviously needs. With or without me, she deserves to get her head and her heart right. I could hear some desperation in her voice today, and I am concerned about her mental and emotional health.
I do not read this as you being done, nor do I see you white knighting this. I read this as your compassion, your wishing to help. So how can you help without rushing in and trying to fix. I ask b/c my knee jerk is to fix, and on the outside looking in it seems my knee jerk would only stopgap and not truly fix.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
You're both right about not getting any hopes up, although as I said, I'm not sure what to hope for. I definitely do not take any pleasure from her unhappiness, but I also am not going to step in and try to fix or rescue. I could see me playing white knight, getting her back and 6 months or a year down the road it happens all over again.
Not sure what else I can do to protect myself regarding OM and the mother other than to remain detached and not read anything into anything. The words, "There is nothing going on between us" came out of the same mouth that said "I'll never leave you for any reason."
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Stay strong tele is about all I can offer. W will come to her end and that is when the work begins for her.
Be supportive but stay detached.
M 38 W 50 S 9, D 6 T 12 M 10 W's 1st EA 4/2007 stopped after confront W's 2nd EA 6/2010 Separated 7/2010 I bomb dropped 7/2010 MC 2/2011 - 3/2011 W bomb dropped 4/2011 Nothing filed or done
I want her to take care of herself, and get the help she obviously needs. With or without me, she deserves to get her head and her heart right. I could hear some desperation in her voice today, and I am concerned about her mental and emotional health.
Ditto, ditto, ditto in my world. How in the H$LL do you deal with this? You want to help, but cannot. She has to learn her own lessons, and that is totally out of your control. Do you just let them crash and burn?
In your sitch, Tele, you are definately in the stand back and watch what happens mode. Be there, be strong, keep the faith.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Hard as it may seem, I suggest you do not broach the topic. Yes, I agree someone does not move 1700 miles to be in a platonic relationship. But, then again, they don't move their mother there first either. This has bizarre written all over it. It is all going to fall apart in the relatively near future. Let it run its course. Stand back and let it happen. Be as uninvolved as you possibly can be.
Time and patience.
I agree with this ^^^^^^.
Time is on your side, TM. Step back, continue focusing on attaining your own personal goals, GAL and detaching. I have a feeling you will be hearing from her again soon.
Not sure what else I can do to protect myself regarding OM and the mother other than to remain detached and not read anything into anything. The words, "There is nothing going on between us" came out of the same mouth that said "I'll never leave you for any reason."
Yep, I am sure you don't know WHAT to believe right now.
One day at time right now. Be patient. Like the others said. Continue working on yourself, GAL'ing, and detaching.
