I'm still here x3

[jbnati]

Feel better, DG! It's no fun having a cold, especially you are in your situation right now.

[LearningPatience]

I'd email you some chicken soup if they allowed PMs here Get better soon!

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks for the well wishes. I hate how a cold can make me feel so crappy and nothing seems to be helping.
I've been on the couch since I've been home.
I know it is mostly because I am not feeling well, but I really miss my H.
Terribly. Every day without him is such a struggle.
Sometimes I'll think about a memory of us and it will feel so real that I break down. I also think about him with OW and break down also.

I am hurting inside so bad. It's been 7 months. I just want the pain to go away.

[JustStunned]

Sorry DG. We know the pain also. I know that is not much concillation.

Rest and give your children a chance to help. They'll step up. Find some joy there and it will encourage them also.

[~¤DG¤~]

My kids are with their Dad this week so I am by myself.
I'm glad though, because I know I would be exhausted trying to cover all their needs as well.

[~¤DG¤~]

I have lost my damn mind.

I sent H a text telling him that I miss him and that not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I also asked if he would be willing to give us another chance.
Why did I do this? I don't know...temp check I guess?

He responded a few hours later:

"I just want you to know I'm not ignoring you. I'm just trying to process this and gage how I feel about these last couple texts. I just didnt want you to think I was ignoring them and your feelings."

Now I feel like I am setting myself up for rejection all over again

[jbnati]

I would say you did because you're not feeling well and if you're like me, it intensifies the feeling of missing your H. Either that or it was the cold medication talking.

You've done it, so now just keep your expectations in check. At least you did get a response, and it wasn't an emphatically negative one, either.

[~¤DG¤~]

That could be jb.
Truth be told, I am so damn lonely and it's killing me.
I'm not lonely for just a body, I'm lonely for him.

I know me being sick is making me feel irrational and emotional, but I don't regret saying it. I had to say something. I feel like I'm walking in place at times. He could and probably will say no, but you know what? I had the b*lls to say something. I don't regret that.

[In_Shock]

I am so sorry all this is catching up to you. I've had tearful days at work and just looking like I feel (yucky).

Did you get some rest at least? I'm thinking of you.

[~¤DG¤~]

I found this quote by Maya Angelou and it says a lot for me.

"You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better."

It reminds me a lot of my sitch. My whole life I handled things the way I was raised, even though it wasn't working for me. Now that I've been in counseling and doing a lot of growing and changing, I realize that in my past I had handled so many things wrong, but I didn't know any different. Now I do. I know how to handle a lot of things differently. A lot of things better.