Wife Says I fill her with hate when she sees me

[25yearsmlc]

gabby,

don't be offended about what I'm going to say now okay, b/c it's not aimed at you.

But all this conflict avoidance stuff we discuss here and my h showed much of in 05-07 (not all fixed either but better)...

well, first off, WHO "LIKES" CONFLICT??

No one (except for bullies.)

Most of us want to avoid conflict. But some of us face it while others hide from it or pass the buck or do the passive aggressive

And ironically it nearly always ( i submit it DOES ALWAYS) add to the conflict in the long run.


Example, when we got married, we married in my Church (Catholid). H's mother is orthodox (very similar but not to HER). I was told NOTHING about any objections to it being Catholic.

I invited an orthodox priest to participate, but he told me my MIL has asked HIM to do the whole thing...wth? I said, "no, it's Catholic but we wanted a joint ceremony and your blessing." HE declined, thanks to my MIL promsing something I had no idea about. SHE AND MY H were conflict avoidant.

THEN H promised her and her relatives we would raise the kids Orthodox...wth? NEVER SAID A WORD TO ME....I swear. If he had, I'd have said "expose them to both" for I have no problem with his religion except it's in Russian...but I'd take the kids.

SIDENOTE: in 30 years of marriage and 2 years of dating, h has NOT ONCE suggested going to his church, or ANY orthodox church NOR has he gone himself...

whereas I do go to mine. It means a lot more to me than it does to him but HIS family is a different matter. Like I said, I knew NONE of this.

So on baptism day for our newborn son, his mother suddenly declines attending and the grandfather who came out to meet our son, flew out the day before. I was so hurt. On a speaker phone, mil told h that it was b/c it was Catholic and I had never faced anti-Catholicism in my life. (And It's not like I'm some great pious Catholic but this really bugged me....)

Still, h never told me of his promises to them. They probably believed I HAD LIED and broken my promises....but it was all h telling them what he thought they wanted to hear, never giving me a chance to say no, and the relationships between them and me being horrible afterwards...

thanks for the conflict avoiding....it lead to much deeper worse damage at my expense.


You have an anger problem you don't seem to see. Sure, she does to. But all I hear about is your anger and your

punitive solutions.

I understand your dilemma, but you have a lot more options than the 2 of being a doormat or a jerk.

Did you say you read the DR book? I think you did, so what are you trying now with her?

AND what are your GAL? They matter.